The camera pans from the Brown Lay-Z boy chair filled with records to a record player a few feet away. The room is surrounded with DVD's, CD's, Records, Videotapes, Game Boy cartridges, Playstation cartridges and machines to put all these said items in. It's a comfortable room for family entertainment. A close-up shows the needle from the turntable dropping. The quaint, unmistakable piano chords from Vince Guaraldi's, "Christmas Time Is Here" is heard. Extra voices are singing along with the usual voices of children on the record. The voices are much louder and clearer. The camera is fixed on "A Charlie Brown Christmas" album spinning on the turntable.
VOICES (O.S.)
(Singing)
Christmas time is here
Happiness and cheer
Fun for all
That children call
Their favorite time of year.
Snowflakes in the air
Caroles everywh...
A small hand snatches the needle back. This makes a loud screeching sound.
ASHLEY (O.S.)
Someone is flat!
LITTLE DAVID
The only thing flat is your head. Put the record back on!
ASHLEY
I'm trying to help. I'm making it my sisterly duty to help you not make a fool of yourself as Charlie Brown.
LITTLE DAVID
Why? You can't stop making a fool of yourself as Ashley Addison.
ASHLEY
My, my, my.
(Looks at the clock on the opposite wall)
It's not one o'clock yet and the baby is already getting cranky.
LITTLE DAVID
Just put the record back on.
Ashley walks over to the turntable and puts the needle back on the record.
LITTLE DAVID
If I had anything to do with casting, you would've no problem landing the Lucy role... I live with the character everyday.
ASHLEY
You know... that's the sweetest thing you've ever said to... hey!!
The music is skipping and Ashley gets aggravated.
ASHLEY
Why are we using this old thing anyway? Why can't we use the CD?
DAVID
(Walks in the room)
Ask the person who played then broke my CD player when I specifically told him not to.
LITTLE DAVID
Dad, I said I was sorry. I didn't mean to break it.
DAVID
I'm sure you won't mind me taking three weeks worth of your allowance to pay for what you didn't mean to break. C'mon... it's time to go.
ASHLEY
But Daddy, we haven't practiced long enough...
(David simply gives Ashley a no-nonsense look)
Give me a second to turn everything off.
Bert walks over to Agnes.
BERT
You heard, right?
AGNES
Heard, what?
BERT
The rumor. The rumor about Mr. Addison and Miss Hayes.
AGNES
The one about letting someone take over the day-to-day duties around here?
BERT
Yeah, who's it gonna be?
AGNES
I don't know.
BERT
You don't know? You have to know. You know everything that goes on in this office.
AGNES
I know everything except who Miss Hayes and Mr. Addison is going to pick.
BERT
Well, I know –
AGNES
Then why did you ask?
BERT
Wait you didn't let me finish. I was going to say I know who I'd pick as their successor.
AGNES
Well, whoever it is won't be succeeding anything. They'll only be here on a daily basis while Miss Hayes and Mr. Addison leave the office in that person's hands on a semi-permanent basis.
(Bert stares at her)
Okay, who do you think will be their successor?
BERT
Me.
JAMIE
(Walks by - Sarcastically)
That's a shock.
BERT
Don't get jealous.
JAMIE
Jealous? Everybody knows what happened the last time you took over.
Everyone in the office, including Agnes, knowingly nods their heads over at Bert and says, "Mmm hmm," then turns away to go back to their business.
BERT
But that was then. I've changed. I've loosened up... honest. I was even thinking off not forbidding everyone's internet access.
JAMIE
(Rolls her eyes as she walks away)
Where's MacGillicudy when you need him?
Maddie is driving. Ashley and little David sit in the backseat.
DAVID
So, which contestant did you choose?
MADDIE
Choose...? Contestants?
DAVID
For the 1st annual Blue Moon pageant. The winner gets a corner office, a reserved parking space closer to the elevator, and take over the helm from us burnt out individuals.
MADDIE
Oh, those contestants.
DAVID
So... Who's it gonna be?
MADDIE
I don't know, David. I've had my mind centered on getting our taxes in order.
DAVID
We've agreed it comes down to two people.
MADDIE
Agreed.
DAVID
We've agreed whoever we agreed upon will be announced at the office party.
MADDIE
Agreed.
DAVID
The only thing we haven't agreed upon is the person who's responsible for us agreeing.
MADDIE
I agree.
DAVID
So, who's it gonna be?
MADDIE
I don't know.
AGNES
Aren't you going to tell me why you think you're getting the job?
BERT
Are you doubting me?
AGNES
No... I just asked a question.
BERT
Which states the perception of you doubting me.
AGNES
Herbert! Could you move this along? The party's going to start at any minute.
BERT
Okay, okay... how can I put this...
The music to "12 Days of Christmas" begins to play.
BERT
(Sings)
Here's the first reason I think the job is made for me.
I have a knack for bureaucracy.
The second reason I think the job is made for me.
Never takes sick days.
And a knack for bureaucracy.
The third reason I think the job is made for me.
Writes perfect grammar.
Never takes sick days.
And a knack for bureaucracy.
Now the fourth reason I think the job is made for me.
I take fewer naps.
Writes perfect grammar.
Never takes sick days.
And a knack for bureaucracy...
DAVID
Will you just give me an answer? We have three lights to go until we have to break the news.
MADDIE
Don't rush me.
DAVID
Then stop driving so fast.
MADDIE
What if I pullover?
DAVID
What good would that do?
MADDIE
It'll help us avoid an accident waiting to happen.
DAVID
Is that your subtle way of heading off another one of our disagreements?
An ear shattering sound of cars crashing surprises everyone.
ASHLEY
It was Mom's way of avoiding an accident that couldn't wait any longer.
DAVID
I think the smoke and the twisted metal said it better, sweet pea.
LITTLE DAVID
So, what do we do now?
DAVID
Other then buying time for your mom to make-up her mind, we wait.
MADDIE
While we're waiting, Davey I want to hear about your part in the school play.
ASHLEY
What's to tell? He's Charlie Brown. Everybody knows who Charlie Brown is.
LITTLE DAVID
And everybody will know it was me playing Charlie Brown. But nobody will know you're playing Lucy because, Michelle got it.
DAVID
What happened?
ASHLEY
They said I wasn't mean enough.
LITTLE DAVID
Where did they get that idea?
ASHLEY
The same people who wanted you as Charlie Brown.
LITTLE DAVID
When will we be moving?
MADDIE
Tomorrow. Tomorrow will be the time we finally get to the office.
DAVID
The guy laying motionless on the freeway with blood coming out of his head feels real guilty about our inconvenience.
MADDIE
I didn't mean it like that. It's just...
DAVID
It's just what? What are you rushing to? You think by setting foot inside the office there will be a long awaited vision of insight... oh, I'm sorry I forgot. You still don't believe in that sort of thing.... Let's see uhhh... a long awaited carefully planned, poked, prodded, yet poorly timed decision will finally tumble out of your noggin and out of your mouth?
MADDIE
How did you remember all that?
DAVID
How come you can't decide on one simple decision?
MADDIE
This one simple decision will change our lives.
DAVID
Wasn't it the idea?
MADDIE
Let's not do this.
DAVID
Do what?
MADDIE
Do this. If we cut down on some of our extra activities, we can avoid all this.
DAVID
We have cut down on some of our extra activities. That's why we can't avoid all this.
MADDIE
(Realizing what he said)
Oh, that's right.
DAVID
(Mocking)
Yeah, that's right.
The backseat.
ASHLEY
(To little David)
What are they talking about?
LITTLE DAVID
Something we're not supposed to know, otherwise they wouldn't bother using their adult code.
ASHLEY
Adult code?
LITTLE DAVID
Adult code.
ASHLEY
It's like what we use when we don't want them in our business.
LITTLE DAVID
Shhhh.
Front seat.
DAVID
(Whispers to Maddie)
Listen to them. They act like they invented the rules of espionage.
(Maddie takes her phone out of her purse)
What are you doing?
MADDIE
Calling the office. What do you think?
DAVID
I think you don't need to.
He takes the phone away from Maddie
MADDIE
What are you doing?
DAVID
Maddie, it's an office party. You act like, they can't entertain themselves.
Bert continues to sing. He's up to the ninth reason. The music to "12 Days of Christmas" continues along with him. Everybody stands around, including Agnes, and they are bored out of their minds.
BERT
(Sings)
Obeys every fire drill
Meets every dress code...
AGNES
(Sings - unenthusiastic)
Even dress down Fridays...
BERT
(Sings)
Asks for extra case work
Solves half my cases
(Sings rapidly - equivalent to the 5th day)
Leaves the company car in good shape even after a high speed chase.
(Sings back to normal)
Taking fewer naps
Writes perfect grammar
Never takes sick days
And has a knack for bureaucracy.
Here's the tenth reason...
LITTLE DAVID
Are we ever going to move?
MADDIE
When the paramedics finds a way to climb over our cars, take the guy to the hospital, then turns around, climb over us again to go to the other way.
ASHLEY
Why can they climb on one of those news helicopters, put the guy on a stretcher, raise him on the chopper and fly him to the nearest hospital.
DAVID
From your mouth to Channel 5's ears.
ASHLEY
As long as I get to see Santa again at the party, I'm not worried.
LITTLE DAVID
Is anyone getting this on tape?
MADDIE
Leave your sister alone.
LITTLE DAVID
But she acts like Santa comes all the way from the North Pole just to see her.
ASHLEY
Don't playa hate.
DAVID
(Answers Maddie's confused look)
It means don't get jealous.
LITTLE DAVID
There's nothing to be jealous about.
ASHLEY
Yes, there is.
LITTLE DAVID
No, there isn't.
ASHLEY
Yes, there is.
LITTLE DAVID
No, there isn't.
ASHLEY
Why didn't he get you Playstation 2? You were begging so hard for it.
DAVID
'Cuz Santa saw the "D" he got in Social Studies.
LITTLE DAVID
(To Ashley)
But I got it on my birthday.
DAVID
'Cuz your mom and I saw the "A" you got in Social Studies six months later.
Everybody takes turns as they very unenthusiastically sing Bert's song. They reach the final 12th reason he thinks he will get the job. The music continues.
O'NEIL
Subordinates will love him.
SIMMONS
Sweats all the details.
KRISTINE
Knows C. P. R.
INEZ
Obeys every fire drill.
JAMIE
Meets every dress code...
AGNES
Even dress down Fridays...
BERT
(Only one who's excited to sing)
Asks for extra case work.
JAMIE
Solves half his cases.
AGNES
(Sings - equivalent to the 5th day)
Will this be over soon?
You don't have to try
To con-vince
Us. You'll get the job.
BERT
I had to get this off my chest.
Everyone else looks relieved now that the song is done. They all go back to make the finishing touches on the Christmas decorations.
AGNES
Herbert Quinten Viola, I hope it made you feel better because we're not going through this again...
(Walks away then turn around to face Bert)
... ever.
She turns back around and walks over to Jamie to help her set up the food.
Several good samaritans help the paramedics as they try to free the second guy from the twisted metal of what was a 2000 model Ferrari.
DAVID
Do you think they'll be able to take all that metal off his chest?
MADDIE
It won't matter if any of them doesn't know C. P. R.
Agnes continues to help Jamie with the food. They are in a middle of taking a break.
AGNES
Where's Miss Hayes and Mr. Addison?
She looks around the room.
O'NEIL (O.S.)
Okay, people. Final call...
Agnes and Jamie turn their heads to see O'neil writing something on a pad.
O'NEIL
Which one will nab the promotion?
AGNES
There's an office pool on who will get the job?
JAMIE
Yeah, you didn't know?
(Leans closer to Agnes)
You're ahead by 3 to 1.
AGNES
Where on earth is Miss Hayes and Mr. Addison?
JAMIE
Actually, the odds are 10 to 1.
(Agnes stares at her)
Bert was standing near by. I didn't want to hurt his feelings.
AGNES
Is Bert that unbearable?
JAMIE
Not as a private eye... but as a boss...?
(She shakes her head to express her displeasure)
But you...
AGNES
Oh, no. Not me.
JAMIE
Why not you? You've been here longer than anyone else. You know everything that goes on around here. You can't be a secretary all your life.
AGNES
Administrative Assistant.
JAMIE
Agnes. You'd be the perfect boss.
AGNES
I don't know...
(Turns to O'Neil)
O'Neil, where's the report on the Williamson case? Mr. Addison told you to bring it to me today.
People are crowding around O'Neil to get their final bets.
O'NEIL
I'll get it, Agnes. In a minute.
AGNES
It'll be better if I can get it in my hands now.
O'NEIL
(To Crowd)
Sorry, folks. I gotta move.
People started to move away while O'Neil goes into his office.
AGNES
Oh, and Simmons... Kristine...
(They turn toward Agnes)
Help set things up in the day care center. Inez may need some help with some of the equipment.
SIMMONS
Right, Agnes.
KRISTINE
Sure thing, Agnes.
They go to the back end of the office (where the conference room, etc is located).
JAMIE
Now tell me Bert can do it better.
DAVID (O.S.)
Deck the halls
There's no work to-day
Fa, la, la, la, la... la, la, la, la
We saw a car wreck
on the freeway
Fa, la, la, la, la... la, la, la, laaaaaa!
AGNES
(Relieved)
Miss Hayes... Mr. Addison.
DAVID
Hola. Hombres and hombrettes! Feliz Navidad... and all that good stuff...
He latches on to Maddie's left arm and pulls her as they walk to her office.
DAVID
Maddie, we need to talk...
AGNES
Mr. Addison?
DAVID
(Stops in his tracks and turns around)
Yes, Agnes?
AGNES
Was anyone hurt?
DAVID
Anyone hurt...? Who?
AGNES
The ones in the car wreck.
DAVID
Oh!... Yes... the car wreck. They're fine. They're getting a police escort to the hospital as we speak.
(To his kids)
Ash... Davey, help set up the festivities and Agnes, hold all of our calls until 2002.
David leads Maddie to her office.
DAVID
Who?
MADDIE
Who what?
The music for Diana Ross and the Supremes version of "My Favorite Things," starts to play.
DAVID
(Sings)
Who do you think will fit our job description?
MADDIE
(Sings)
I haven't thought much about the position.
DAVID
One simple choice. How hard can this be?
MADDIE
You're wasting time. You're not guilt tripping me.
DAVID
Why can't we just talk about this decision?
MADDIE
Why can't we talk about our son's play -
DAVID
(Cuts her off)
Listen, these kids are under too much stress these days.
Their school treats this like they're starring on Broadway.
MADDIE
(Sings in melody)
We have many things
we need to uncover
Like who's picking our tree?
You or your brother?
Please tell me now.
Tell me please loud and clear.
DAVID
(Sings in countermelody)
Agnes and Bert
are the ones to consider.
I have picked who?
will be our babysitter.
MADDIE
I can't miss the best thought
you've had all year
DAVID
But I won't disclose
'cuz you don't seem to care.
MADDIE
(Sings with anger)
What did you say?
DAVID
You know damn straight
What I implied.
MADDIE
it's unfair to stand there and just criticize
I tried, but I still can't... deee - ciiiiide.
MADDIE
If Agnes was here she'd know what to do.
DAVID
Will she like the new office that's closer to you?
MADDIE
You picked Agnes?
DAVID
Yeah, she can't miss.
MADDIE
Then we both agree.
DAVID
We, yesiree,
We have came to agree
That yes, Agnes is our chooooiice.
The music ends.
MADDIE
Okay. We've decided...
(Looks uneasy)...
it's been decided... it's Agnes... Agnes will take over. Should we call her in?
DAVID
Uh uh, I have a better idea.
MADDIE
Why does my hair stand on end everytime you say that?
DAVID
I'll talk to Jamie.
MADDIE
Jamie? What about Bert?
DAVID
Well... he's going to be too busy putting on a good show in the day care center.
MADDIE
I have a feeling he'll put on a good show in the rest of the office when he hears the news.
DAVID
Don't worry about it. I'll tell him what an unbelievable position he has sleeping with the boss.
MADDIE
Do tell.
DAVID
I'll clue him in on my first hand experience. I'll even tell him where his second hand should be.
MADDIE
You are such a giver.
DAVID
Well...
(Walks over to her)
It's better to give...
(Kisses her)
than to receive.
He turns and begins to walk to the door.
MADDIE
Wait. What if Agnes refuse to receive what we're about to give her?
DAVID
She'll have to give us her resignation.
MADDIE
(Dumfounded)
David!
DAVID
Maddie, this woman has stuck by me in times I'm not sure I even deserved. She stuck by us in times we weren't even sure we could make it through. When we decided to reopen this place, who was the first to jump back on the wagon?
MADDIE
Agnes.
DAVID
Who's the one who knows what we want, when we want it before we even knew we wanted it?
MADDIE
Agnes.
DAVID
And who do you want representing the look and feel of our Headquarters? Who do you want corresponding to Helen, Brian, and Patrick on a daily basis?
MADDIE
Agnes.
DAVID
This is it, Maddie. She's taking this position. She's not a secretary anymore. I will not allow her to be a secretary anymore.
MADDIE
Administrative Assistant.
DAVID
Whatever. It doesn't matter because Agnes DiPesto Viola is now the new Branch Manager for this office and there's nothing, not even a politically correct title is gonna change that.
He slams the door behind him.
MADDIE
I agree.
David paces and looks at his watch when Richie walks in.
DAVID
Where the hell were you? You were supposed to be here 45 minutes ago.
RICHIE
There was a car wreck on the freeway.
DAVID
I used that excuse, which in my case turned out to be true.
RICHIE
All right, all right. I was getting a phone number from a hot babe.
DAVID
A hot babe, huh? If she was so hot, how come you didn't call her by name?
RICHIE
This coming from the "one night wonder?"
DAVID
Shhh!
(Looks around to see if anyone is listening. It's a knee jerk response since no one else is in the room)
Atch-way it-ay for the ids-kay.
RICHIE
(Understanding)
Ight-ray.
MADDIE
(Walks in)
Are we starting this thing or do we have to postpone it for next year?
DAVID
No, uhhh, we're ready.
RICHIE
Ready as we'll ever be.
MADDIE
Let's go... "one hit wonder."
DAVID
That's "one night wonder."
MADDIE
Perfect. It's just what the 30 plus children are waiting to here coming out of anta-say's outh-may.
DAVID
Ight-ray.
RICHIE
Ight-ray.
This room is located on the right of the conference room. A quarter of the workforce uses this facility so they can work and see their children. Maddie and David established the day care center and used it for their children until Ashley turned 6. Since it's first year, Maddie and David put on a Christmas celebration with music, food and a chance for the kids to see Santa.
The colors are bright and filled with toys, cribs and soft, round edged furniture. 30 to 35 children are sitting on the floor eagerly awaiting the festivities. Their parents and the rest of the Blue Moon staff are sitting in a few rows of chairs behind the kids. Everyone looks at Kristine as she makes her way to the microphone near the front of the room. She taps it a few times then begins to speak.
KRISTINE
How's everybody doing?
(Everyone cheers in response)
It's been the best of times for this company, but it also has been the worse of times for this nation. So, I hope this 10th annual Christmas Extravaganza can heal our spirits and help us celebrate into the new year.
(There's a great response)
Well... like one of our fearless leaders says, "Enough of my yakkin'. Let's party!!!"
The room is filled with people screaming and clapping. Kristine moves away from the mic and goes over to the left side of the room. She opens the door and leaves. Seconds later, the music to the Beach Boys', "Little Saint Nick", plays on one of the turntables in the back of the makeshift stage area - the front of the room. Coming through the door is O'Neil, Simmons, Bert, and Richie. They're all wearing Santa hats and snapping their fingers and walking to the four mics to the beat. Bert is the lead singer.
O'NEIL AND SIMMONS
Ooooooohh... Merry Christmas...
RICHIE
Christmas comes this time each year.
O'NEIL AND SIMMONS
Ooooooohh...
They all start swaying from right to left.
BERT
Well way up north where the air gets cold
There's a tale about Christmas that you've all been told
And a real famous cat all dressed up in red
And he spend the whole year working out of his sled
It's the Little saint nick.
O'NEIL AND SIMMONS
Little saint nick
BERT
It's the Little saint nick
O'NEIL AND SIMMONS
Little saint nick.
BERT
Just a little bobsled we call Little saint nick
Well
(forgets the words)
blah, blah, blah,... with the four speed stick
She's candy apple red and a ski for a wheel
And when Santa hits the gas, man just
(forgets again)
blah, blah, blah
It's the Little saint nick
O'NEIL
Little saint nick
BERT
It's the Little saint nick
O'NEIL AND SIMMONS
Little saint nick
Run, run, reindeer
Run, run, reindeer...
O'NEIL
(Steps forward)
Aaaaahhhhh...
O'NEIL AND SIMMONS
(Simmons pulls him back in line)
Run, run, reindeer...
O'NEIL, SIMMONS AND RICHIE
Run, run, reindeer
The three of them point to Richie
RICHIE
He don't miss no one.
BERT
Howling through the snow at a frightening speed
With a half a dozen deer really willing to lead
He's gotta wear his gargles 'cause the snow really flies
And he's cruising every path with a little surprise
It's the Little saint nick
O'NEIL AND SIMMONS
Little saint nick
BERT
It's the little saint nick
O'NEIL AND SIMMONS
Little saint nick
Ooooooohhh... Merry Christmas...
RICHIE
Christmas comes this time each year
O'NEIL AND SIMMONS
Ooooooohhh... Merry Christmas...
RICHIE
Christmas comes this time each year
O'neil, Simmons and Richie repeat their lines. They all continue to snap their fingers and walk back from where they came. The crowd cheers as they exit. Kristine returns to the microphone.
KRISTINE
Okay, we've heard from the boys. Now let's see what the girls have in store.
The music to "Silver Bells" play, but no one is coming through the door. It takes a few seconds for the audience to murmur in confusion. Jamie gets Kristine's attention. Kristine excuses herself and walks out the room.
Jamie looks nervous while standing in an ice blue dress in a style reminiscent of what 60's girl groups used to wear.
KRISTINE
(Whispers)
What happened? Where's Inez? Where's Miss Hayes?
JAMIE
(Whispers)
Her zipper's stuck.
KRISTINE
(Shouts)
What...?
(Whispers)
I mean, what?
JAMIE
Remember when Inez went to the dentist and got those new invisible braces –
KRISTINE
Ooh, don't tell me...
JAMIE
I have to. How am I going to tell you to switch our spot with Mr. Addison if I don't?
KRISTINE
But he's not ready either.
JAMIE
Which would you rather see? One third of the Supremes or four fifths of the Temptations?
David walks up to Bert.
DAVID
Bert. Just the man I want to see.
BERT
And you're just the man I want to see.
(Gets excited)
Mr. Addison, I really have to tell you –
DAVID
No, you don't.
BERT
(Confused)
I don't?
DAVID
You don't because I'm doing the telling for you.
BERT
You will?
DAVID
I will.
BERT
You're going to tell me how I appreciate you letting me sing and dance with you?
DAVID
Not in those exact words.
BERT
Then what were you going to say... exactly?
DAVID
Miss Hayes and I have come to a decision...
(He turns his head and sees empty space at the three microphone stands)
What's going on?
BERT
That's exactly what I had in mind, sir.
DAVID
Hold that thought.
He walks to the day care center)
BERT
Holding as we speak, sir.
KRISTINE
Where's Agnes?
JAMIE
She's in the conference room trying to do the best she can.
KRISTINE
Where is Mr. Addison?
JAMIE
I'll get him.
DAVID
(Walks up to them)
You already got him.
(Kristine and Jamie turn around)
What's not going on? Shouldn't there be an imitation of a 60's girl group singing their hearts out?
KRISTINE
Apparently, Inez' braces met up with Miss Hayes' zipper –
DAVID
And it was love at first bite. I get it. When did they first hook up?
JAMIE
About 10 minutes ago.
DAVID
(Gets ready to go to the conference room)
I'll take care of it.
KRISTINE
But Mr. Addison...?
DAVID
Hey, trust me. I've done this plenty of times. These ten fingers can do wonders.
JAMIE
It's not that. You have to go on.
DAVID
Go on where?
KRISTINE
Go on there.
She points to an empty stage behind her.
DAVID
But we haven't gotten our choreographed moves down yet.
KRISTINE
(Puppy dog eyes)
Pleeeease?
JAMIE
(Puppy dog eyes)
Pleeeease?
DAVID
(Surrenders)
Gimmie a sec. to round up the fellas.
JAMIE
(Hugs him)
Thanks Mr. Addison!
She runs over to the conference room.
KRISTINE
Thanks.
(Kisses him on the cheek in excitement)
You're the best.
She goes inside the day care center.
DAVID
(Has a smug look on his face)
That's what Maddie keeps tellin' me.
When Kristine goes to the mic the audience quiets down.
KRISTINE
It seems we're having technically difficulties, but don't worry the show will go on. However, the ladies will be performing later than anticipated...
RICHIE
We have to do what?
SIMMONS
But we're not -
DAVID
I know, but the girls are having problems with metal objects at the moment. We've been called for duty much sooner than we expected.
O'NEIL
But we can't go, sir.
BERT
I still haven't thanked you for –
DAVID
You've thanked me enough. You may have thanked me too much.
SIMMONS
But we're not –
DAVID
I know, I know. But we have no other choice. We gotta do what's best for the show. Are you with me?
The four guys mumbles, "yes"
DAVID
(Louder)
I said are you with me?!
RICHIE, SIMMONS, O'NEIL AND BERT
Yes, sir!
KRISTINE
These next performers have agreed to fill their place and to tell you about a reindeer we all know.
The music of the Temptations' version of "Rudolph The Red Nosed Reindeer" begins. Five guys with sunglasses (O'Neil, Simmons, Richie, Bert and David) walk out carrying their suit jackets over their right shoulders and take their places in front of the five microphone stands.
O'NEIL
(Talks)
You know...
(Sings)
There's Dasher and Dancer and Prancer and Vixen...
SIMMONS
Comet and Cupid and Donner and Blitzen...
DAVID
Ooooh... but do you recall...
BERT
The most famous reindeer of all...
They start doing "the grapevine."
ALL
Rudolph the red nosed reindeer
Had a very shiny nose
And if you ever saw it
You would even say it glows...
DAVID
All of the other, other reindeer
Used to laugh and call him names
They never let poor Rudolph
Join in any reindeer games...
O'NEIL, SIMMONS AND BERT
Then one foggy Christmas Eve
Santa came to say...
Hey Rudolph!
DAVID
You with your nose so bright...
RICHIE
C'mon, c'mon, c'mon, c'mon and guide my sleigh tonight.
DAVID
Oooh, then how the reindeer loved him
As they shouted out with glee...
AGNES
It's out!
Inez puts one of her hands on her knee and the other hand is covering her mouth. Maddie stretches her back. Both women are breathing much better as they calm themselves down.
JAMIE
I guess it might be a bad time to ask if we can still rehearse.
Agnes, Inez and Maddie turn and look at Jamie like she has two heads.
They continue singing.
DAVID
Rudolph the Red nosed reindeer
O'NEIL, SIMMONS AND BERT
Hey, Rudolph!
ALL
You'll go down in his - stor - y
Hey, Rudolph... why don't you guide my sleigh...
Hey, Rudolph... why don't you guide my sleigh...
They guys repeat the phrase until the record fades. The crowd cheers wildly, mostly from the children. The guys take a few bows before they walk out the door.
The five guys give each other high and low fives. Agnes runs up to David.
DAVID
(Turns around)
What's up, Doc? Does Miss Hayes need more time in the operating room?
AGNES
Nope. She's recuperating. She wants a certain visitor to visit her.
DAVID
I'm on my way.
He starts to leave, but feels tugging on his left sleeve. He looks down and sees his daughter.
ASHLEY
Have you seen Wally?
DAVID
I didn't –
ASHLEY
There you are!
She sprints over to Walter Jr., pulls him by the hand and leaves his amused parents behind.
ASHLEY
(Shouts at him)
We thought you'd never get here! We're next!
She pushes Walter Jr. on his back making him hurry into the day care center.
DAVID
(Looks at Terri and Walter - Calmly)
And how are you this fine afternoon?
Walter Jr. stands behind Kristine. He tests his headphones and his records.
KRISTINE
Not only are the adults showing off their talent, the kids are also getting into the act. They have a number just for all of you.
She points at the kids sitting on the floor. When Kristine walks away from the mic, Walter Jr., starts scratching one of the two records on the turntables introducing Run-DMC's, "Christmas In Hollis." As the music begins, Ashley and little David struts into the room and to the mics. Ashley is Run, little David is DMC.
ASHLEY
(Talks to crowd)
Okay, everybody... here we go...
(Raps)
It was December 24th on hollis Ave. after dark/
When I seen a man chillin' with his dog in the park/
I approached him very slowly with my heart full of fear/
Looked at his dog... Oh my God... an ill reindeer/
But then I was illin' 'cause the man had a beard/
And a bag filled with goodies, twelve o'clock had neared/
So I turned my head a second and the man was gone/
But he must have dropped his wallet smack dead on his lawn/
I picked the wallet up and then I took a pause/
Took out the license and it col' said "Santa Claus"/
A million dollars was in it, col' hundreds of "G's"/
Enough to buy a boat, a matchin' car with ease/
But I never steal from Santa, 'cause that ain't right/
So I was goin' home to mail it back to him last night/
But when I got home I bugged, 'cause under the tree/
Was a letter from Santa and the dough was for me!
Within the music break, Walter Jr. shows off his Djing skills, the children in the audience are clapping and some are dancing to the music. Even the adults can't help but clap, too.
LITTLE DAVID
It's Christmas time in Hollis, Queens/
Mom's cookin' chicken and collard greens/
Rice and stuffin', macaroni and cheese/
And Santa put gifts under Christmas trees/
Decorate the house with lights at night/
Snow's on the ground snow white so bright/
In the fireplace is a yule log/
Beneath the mistletoe as we drink eggnog/
The rhymes that you hear are the rhymes of Darryl's/
Like each and every year we bust Christmas Caroles./
The second music break, Ashley and little David dance the cabbage patch (moving both hands in an oblong circle from right to left).
ASHLEY AND LITTLE DAVID
Rhymes so loud and proud you hear it/
It's Christmas time and we got the spirit/
Jack Frost chillin'; Egg nog is out/
And that's what Christmas is all about/
ASHLEY
The time is now./
LITTLE DAVID
The place is here./
ASHLEY
The whole wide world is filled with cheer./
LITTLE DAVID
My name's DMC with the mic in my hand/
I'm chillin' and coolin' just like a snowman/
So open your eyes, lend us an ear/
We wanna say.../
ASHLEY AND LITTLE DAVID
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!
Ashley and little David dance and lead the crowd. They urge everyone to wave their arms from side to side. Ashley can't help but ab-lib one more time before she is done.
ASHLEY
Say, ho!
AUDIENCE
Ho!
ASHLEY
Say, ho, ho!
AUDIENCE
Ho, ho!
ASHLEY
Say, ho, ho, ho!
AUDIENCE
Ho, ho, ho!
ASHLEY
Now scream!
AUDIENCE
Aaaahhhhh!
Ashley and little David make their way to the door. Ashley repeats this phrase as she leaves:
ASHLEY
There ain't no party like a Christmas party, 'cause a Christmas party don't stop!
She has everyone, including her parents who are waiting outside the door, repeating the phrase with her.
As the thunderous cheering and screaming continue, Maddie holds out her arms to give her daughter a hug.
MADDIE
That was fantastic, sweetheart!
DAVID
(Extends his arms)
Yo, yo... that was mad cool, dawg. Gimmie a pound.
He bangs fists with his son and Walter Jr. Then Walter Jr. goes over to his parents and they also hug him and congratulate him on his performance. Ashley goes over to David and is about to hug him.
ASHLEY
Daddy.
DAVID
Wassup, homegirl?
ASHLEY
You're embarrassing me.
She hugs her father anyway.
DAVID
Sorry... my bad.
Kristine is back at the microphone.
KRISTINE
The problem the ladies had earlier seemed to iron itself out. They celebrate by bringing the pace down a little... only for a little... as they sing of a certain bell of a certain color...
Outside the door.
MADDIE
(Slightly sarcastic)
How smooth.
DAVID
You sure you don't need any more help with that zipper?
Maddie turns her head slowly revealing her unpleasant mood.
DAVID
You never know where it can get caught on next.
MADDIE
How 'bout I catch your teeth with my fist?
DAVID
Nice to know you still float like a butterfly. Can you sing more for me?
She gives him her last glare before she joins Jamie and Inez. She sits on the middle stool. Diana Ross the the Supremes' version of, "Silver Bells" is heard.
MADDIE
Silver Bells
JAMIE AND INEZ
Silver Bells
MADDIE
Silver Bells
JAMIE AND INEZ
Silver Bells
MADDIE
It's Christmas time in the city.
JAMIE AND INEZ
Ooooooohhhh.
MADDIE
Ring a ling.
JAMIE
Ring a ling.
MADDIE
Hear them ring.
JAMIE AND INEZ
Hear them ring.
MADDIE
Soon it will be Christmas day...
Maddie, Inez and Jamie continue singing as Ashley, little David and Walter Jr. search for a seat in the audience. They spot Joey and Mrs. Harrison on the right. They also spot Jeffrey waving at them on the left.
LITTLE DAVID
Where do you think we should go?
ASHLEY
We haven't seen Joey in a while.
WALTER JR.
But we don't want to hurt Jeffrey's feelings.
LITTLE DAVID
Plus, he might go crying to Agnes and Bert. It'll be both our behinds when Mom and Dad find out.
ASHLEY
But we're closer to Joey.
LITTLE DAVID
That's not true, we only known him for a few months.
ASHLEY
No stupid, we're closer to his seat.
WALTER JR.
I'll sit next to Jeffrey.
LITTLE DAVID
No, no I'll sit next to him.
WALTER JR.
No, I'll do it.
LITTLE DAVID
No, let me.
ASHLEY
I'll do it. I'll do anything to get you two to shut up.
LITTLE DAVID
(Perks up)
Thanks.
(To Walter Jr.)
Let's go. Joey's waiting.
They leave Ashley seething as she realized she was tricked.
Maddie, Inez and Jamie continue to sing, "Silver Bells."
MADDIE
Ring a ling.
JAMIE AND INEZ
Ring a ling.
MADDIE
Hear them ring.
JAMIE AND INEZ
Hear them ring.
MADDIE
Soon it will beeeee...
Christmas daaaaay.
The women bow their heads to an adoring crowd.
MADDIE
Since we took so long to get out here, we've decided to do an extra song for you. Would you like that?
The audience cheers in response. Before Maddie continues she hears a "pssst" coming behind her right ear. She turns and sees David motions his hand her for to come to the door.
MADDIE
(Leans to Jamie and speaks into her ear)
Jamie take over. I have to take care of something.
JAMIE
Why? What happened?
MADDIE
Ask the lunatic standing by the door.
Jamie looks over and sees David, dressed as Santa, smiling and giving a small wave.
JAMIE
(To cover up)
How 'bout it for Miss Hayes.
The crowd screams and claps for her as Maddie gets up and walks out the room.
MADDIE
(Snaps as she whispers)
What is it? I'm in the middle of something.
DAVID
And we're in the middle of something blowing up in our faces.
MADDIE
You didn't tell him, did you?
DAVID
I tried, but his mouth kept going and it was hard to catch up with it.
MADDIE
(Sarcastic)
Great.
DAVID
No, not so great. Turns out the surprise we're surprising the surprisee has surprised us.
MADDIE
What are you babbling about?
DAVID
I can't find Agnes.
MADDIE
You can't find Agnes?
DAVID
I can't find Agnes. I checked here, checked there, checked yon, checked hither. I checked to and checked fro, too.
BERT
Where's Agnes' stuff?
They turn around and see Bert standing behind them.
DAVID
Huh?
MADDIE
Huh?
BERT
Where's Agnes' stuff? Her files. Her cabinets. Her little trinkets she...
(Has a thought in his head)
Oh my God...
MADDIE
Before you jump to conclusions...
BERT
How can you fire Agnes?
DAVID
(To Maddie)
He landed on both feet.
BERT
Is this the decision you were about to tell me, Mr. Addison?
DAVID
Well... not exactly.
BERT
How can you stand there and try to rationalize your cold blooded, calculated, corporate speech about dumping one of the warmest, sweetest, kindest people who has ever picked up a telephone!
MADDIE
Bert, there's been a misunderstanding.
BERT
You bet there is. For Agnes to ever think she can trust people like you.
DAVID
Bert –
BERT
Doesn't loyalty mean anything anymore?
MADDIE
Bert –
BERT
Well, I for one will not stand for my wife... my poor wife...
AGNES (O.S.)
Bert.
BERT
Agnes, stay where you are!
DAVID
Bert –
BERT
Mr. Addison, if you wanted me to do your dirty work out in the filthy, sullen streets of Los Angeles that's one thing, but to ask me to pull a stunt like this –
DAVID
I never asked you to do anything.
BERT
But you were going to.
MADDIE
But Bert –
He keeps walking in the opposite direction.
MADDIE
(Mocking)
Wow. You took care of it all right.
DAVID
Just get Agnes. I'll take Bert out of the oven so he can cool down.
Jamie and Inez finish singing, "Frosty the Snowman."
JAMIE AND INEZ
... But he waved goodbye saying don't you cry
I'll be back again someday.
The audience claps.
JAMIE
Okay, here's something I'm sure the kids in the audience, that's right all of you sitting in front of us, will enjoy. In order to do so, I'm gonna need your help. I'll tell you what I mean when the time is right.
(turns around to the person at the turntables)
Okay, gimmie the music...
Agnes stands near the area she used to have her stuff at for more than sixteen years. She looks confused because most of it is gone.
AGNES
Bert, what happened? Did we get robbed?
BERT
Ummm, Agnes... I don't know how to say this but –
David runs in from the back part of the office in his Santa suit.
DAVID
I found him, Maddie! They're right here!
(He advances on Bert)
Bert let me talk to her.
BERT
No way!
AGNES
(Shocked)
Bert!
He grabs Agnes and runs to the other side of the room. The snappy guitar licks of Chuck Berry's, "Run Rudolph Run" starts playing.
Out of all the reindeers
You are the mastermind...
DAVID
(Runs after Bert)
You're making a mistake!
BERT
It's you who's making the mistake!
He takes some chairs and blocks David's path while pulling Agnes with him thoughout the office.
Run Run Rudolph
Randolph ain't too far behind...
David leaps over the chairs. Bert tugs on Agnes' arm to follow him as he leaps on one of the desks.
Run Run Rudolph
Santa's gotta make it to town...
Maddie rushes in and sees all the craziness and follows behind David leaping on desks to catch Burt or Agnes.
Santa make him hurry
Tell him he can take the freeway down...
Maddie attempts to leap, but soon realizes she can't because of her 60's style-like dress.
MADDIE
What am I doing?
She decides to cut Bert off as she runs across the room heading toward her office.
Run Run Rudolph
'Cause I'm reelin' like a merry-go-round...
Jamie sings a sing-a-long with the children, Diana Ross and the Supremes', "Children's Christmas Song."
JAIME, INEZ AND CHILDREN
Ding, dong, ding, dong hear the bell
Ringing out the first Noel
Joyous chimes ring loud and clear
Spreading word the savior's here...
Run Run Rudolph
Santa's gotta make it to town...
Bert continues to jump over tables until Maddie cuts him off and is now right in front of him. He panics and leaps sideways and begins running the other direction to David's office.
Santa make him hurry
Tell him he can take the freeway down...
David jumps off a desk and runs after Bert. Agnes gets too tired and falls to the floor. Maddie runs over to her to see if she is all right. Bert turns around and sees what's happening.
BERT
Nooooo!
Before Bert knew what hit him, David grabs him from behind. He wrestles Bert to the ground.
JAMIE, INEZ AND CHILDREN
...Wisemen berrying gifts of love
Following a star above
JAMIE
That was great, kids. Let's do it one more time...
Chuck Berry's guitar solo in the music break.
David wrestles Bert so he can try to calm him down.
BERT
I'll never give you the satisfaction of breaking her heart!
DAVID
But you're willing to break her ribs.
BERT
Go ahead, joke. You're not the one who's going to lose their health insurance.
Maddie comforts Agnes.
AGNES
What is all this about, Miss Hayes?
MADDIE
(Leads Agnes to her office)
I'll tell you once we get inside.
Bert looks up from across the room seeing Agnes going into Maddie's office.
BERT
Nooooo!
Run Run Rudolph
Santa's gotta make it to town...
Richie enters the room and watches David slamming Bert to the ground, attempting to control Bert and calm him down.
RICHIE
Hey, Dave. This is no time to imitate The Rock. The kids are expecting to see an old man with a white beard in a few minutes.... Dave?
Bert somehow gets out of David's grasp and starts running toward Maddie's office.
DAVID
(To Richie)
Stop him before he ruins everything!
Santa make him hurry
Tell him he can take the freeway down...
Richie's long strides helps catch up to Bert and grabs him from behind. While this is going on, David runs past them and goes to Maddie's office.
The music stops when David opens the door. Maddie talks to Agnes while they sit next to each other on one of the sofas. David barges through the door. This startles Maddie and Agnes.
DAVID
(Catching his breath)
You didn't tell her, Maddie. Tell me you didn't tell her.
AGNES
Tell me what?
DAVID
Good. You didn't tell her.
David shuts the door.
The music resumes as David looks at Richie still struggling to hold Bert down. Bert looks at David.
... A little baby doll
That can cry, sleep, drink and wet...
BERT
Boy are you gonna pay for ruining Agnes' life... I don't know where, I don't know when... but you'll pay.
DAVID
If I don't get this suit in on time, I'll pay even more.
And then away went Rudolph
Whizzin' like a saber jet...
RICHIE
You don't take offense to this?
DAVID
Look, Bert is trying to protect Agnes. I would be doing the same thing.
BERT
Ah ha! So you admit it!
Walter walks in.
WALTER
Oh, there you are, David. I was looking all over for you. Kristine wants me to tell you to get ready. You're on in ten minutes.
DAVID
(Absently)
That's great. Richie's been looking for some help. Can you help him drag Bert into my office? Thanks.
(David blindly walks away)
When Walter goes over to Richie, but Bert stomps on Richie's foot. It makes Richie shout and releases his grip on Bert. Walter attempts to block Bert's path, but Bert pushes Walter aside. Walter falls backward on Richie.
Run Run Rudolph
I'm reelin' like a merry-go-round.
David catches his breath and heads for the conference room to freshen up, relax and get himself ready to be Kris Kringle for the 10th time. However, Bert sees him before he can do all of this.
BERT
There you are.
DAVID
(Looks at Bert)
Bert will you stop! I'm not trying to ruin Agnes' life!
BERT
I don't wanna hear you smooth talking your way out of this one.
Bert chases him and David runs toward the room closest to him. He reaches a door, turns around, fumbles with the knob until he gets it to turn counterclockwise. He enters the room, spins around fast and slams the door shut to keep Bert out. He pants to catch his breath again, but his feelings of relief has dissipated when he hears:
VOICES
... On this very special day
Wise men berrying gifts of love
Following a star above...
GIRL IN AUDIENCE
Hey! There's Santa!
Jamie and Inez are surprised when they turn and see David.
JAMIE
Uhhh, Santa...? I didn't expect you to be here this early.
DAVID
I guess leaving the sleigh bells in the North Pole worked. See, I always wanted to know if leaving those noisy things will help my journey. You know, so I wouldn't make so much noise... And apparently, it works.... Now if I can only find a way to turn down Rudolph nose. Kids can see the glow from their windows for miles.
The door suddenly flies open despite Walter and Richie's tight grip around Bert. It couldn't stop the momentum as he barrels into David. He topples him to the floor. Walter and Richie are dragged down with Bert causing a pile. The pile grows beyond anyone's expectation as the kids prepare to help Santa and attack the people "attacking" Santa.
DAVID
(Bottom of pile)
Now I know how a pitcher feels after he wins the World Series.
VOICE (O.S.)
Here Santa! Take my hand! We'll pull you out!
David sees a small hand. Some of its fingers pokes his nose. He takes the hand and felt a small tug.
VOICE (O.S.)
Pull harder! Santa's gonna get crushed if we don't hurry!
David feels more tugging, but it's still not helping him get out of this humongous pile.
DAVID
I think I need another hand.
VOICE (O.S.)
You heard him. Give him your hand!
Another hand finds it way and pokes David's ear.
DAVID
This is why Q-tips are dangerous.
David grabs the second hand and he can feel his body slowly freeing itself out of the pile. When he put his two feet back on the floor, he looks up to see who his search and rescue team are. They are five kids. Three of whom looks very familiar... Ashley, little David and Walter Jr.
ASHLEY
Are you okay, Santa? Did Bert hurt you? Do you want me to kick him –
LITTLE DAVID
Ash, you don't want Santa seeing you being naughty, do you?
ASHLEY
(Hits her hand on her forehead)
Oh, right... I just don't want anyone messin' with people I care about... other than my parents.
DAVID
(Smiles underneath the beard)
They'd be glad to hear it.
ASHLEY
(Rolls her eyes - reluctant to speak)
And my brother.
LITTLE DAVID
(Pleasantly surprised)
Really?
ASHLEY
Really.
WALTER JR.
(Half mocking)
That's so sweet.
ASHLEY
If you blab
(she points to her left)
I'm putting you through that wall.
WALTER JR.
Great. It's padded.
DAVID
Pardon me, kids. I need to spread joy to an unsuspecting person who needs it and another unsuspecting person who will get off my back when the joy has been spread.
When David walks away, Ashley laughs to herself.
WALTER JR.
What's so funny about that?
ASHLEY
Nothing.
WALTER JR.
So, what's with the laughter?
ASHLEY
If I closed my eyes, I'd think that we were talking to my Dad.
LITTLE DAVID
That is funny.
He laughs. Soon after, he unconsciously gives a sideway squint while letting Ashley's last comment sink in.
DAVID
T'was three days before Christmas
Not a moment too soon
I have a secret to reveal
But I gotta leave this room
I'm here for the kids
I know. I realize
But there's a woman here
Waiting for her surprise
It'll take a few minutes
I'll be back in a snap
I promise to put
All you kids in my lap
I'm doing this as a favor
The deed must be done
I'm playing Secret Santa
for Hayes and Addison
When David leaves the room, most of the people follow him. David walks through the hall from the day care center, passes the business and accounting departments and the copy room on his left. He then walks straight ahead until he reaches Maddie's door to his left. He knocks on the door and walks in.
DAVID
Maddie, did you tell her?
AGNES
Tell me what?
DAVID
(Walks to Agnes)
Good. You didn't tell her.
(Grabs Agnes' hand - To Agnes)
Follow me.
MADDIE
But David –
DAVID
No time. I had a huge chip on my back. His name was Bert.
MADDIE
You could at least use a blindfold.
DAVID
That's a good idea.
AGNES
(Confused)
Blindfold?
DAVID
Trust me...
Gets a handkerchief from Maddie's desk and slips it over Agnes' eyes.
DAVID
It's not what you think...
David ties it at the back of Agnes' head. He opens the door and guides Agnes by putting his hands on her shoulders.
Many of the people who followed David are murmuring to see what he is doing. David then steers Agnes' body to the left.
BERT
What on earth are you torturing her to do? Isn't firing her enough torture!
EVERYONE
Firing her?
AGNES
(Stops walking)
Firing me?
DAVID
(To her ear)
Just keep walking.
Agnes reluctantly does what David said. David searches his pockets to get the keys, but remembers he's wearing a Santa suit.
DAVID
Hey, Maddie, you have the...
She extends her hand and gives him the keys.
DAVID
(to Agnes' ear)
Be prepared to be shocked.
AGNES
More than I already am?
The keys go through the lock and David opens the door. Agnes hears a few gasps and several "Wow's" behind her. The blindfold falls from her eyes. What she sees she can't comprehend. She's bombarded with all the decorations she put up at her "old" desk. It's spread around a room three quarters the size of Maddie's office. It's furnished full of soft pastel colors. Light pink drapes covers her new ceiling to floor window. A few potted plants fill her bookcase on the right wall. Her new desk is on the left wall. It's equipped with a laptop, palm pilot, telephone and the remaining pictures and personal items moved from her old space. Sitting in front of the window is her new sofa. In front of that is her new coffeetable.
DAVID
(To Agnes' ear)
Surprise...
(Kisses her cheek)
Merry Christmas.
MADDIE
Merry Christmas.
Maddie goes over to her and gives Agnes a hug and a kiss on the cheek.
AGNES
Wow... is this... all for... me?
MADDIE
No.
(Agnes turns to Maddie)
This is for our new Branch Manager.
BERT
Your new Branch Manager...? So, you mean you took all that stuff from there
(Points to her old spot)
to put in here?
DAVID
Is this enough for you not to kill me?
BERT
You made Agnes...? Agnes... the telephone rhyming... file organizing... letter typing... email gathering Agnes... your new manager?
DAVID
Yup.
(To Agnes)
I told you I was saving this office for you, didn't I?
Behind Bert's sigh of disappointment, money exchanged hands from many of the staff.
AGNES
I don't know what to say.
MADDIE
You don't have to say anything.
DAVID
There are still things we have to do in here like fix the plumbing in your personal bathroom. But your husband left us with no choice but to show it to you prematurely.
MADDIE
And Mr. Addison knows what it is to be premature, don't you, Mr. Addison?
David grimaces at Maddie.
JEFFREY (O.S.)
Mommy... Mommy...
A five year old boy walks up to Agnes.
JEFFREY
I've never seen this room before. Who's is it?
AGNES
(Still stunned - hugs her son)
Looks like it's mine.
JEFFREY
Why is it so much bigger than Daddy's?
AGNES
(Getting a bit uncomfortable)
I don't know, honey... wait a second... who do I report to?
MADDIE
Same as always. You report to us.
DAVID
The difference is everyone else now has to report to you.
AGNES
(Looks at Bert)
Everyone?
DAVID
Everyone.
BERT
(Grumbles under his breath)
Great.
MADDIE
What was that, Bert?
BERT
(Forces a smile)
I said great... this is just... great...
(Goes over to Agnes, kisses her cheek awkwardly. Agnes can tell he's having a hard time with this.)
Wonderful... terrific...
He turns around and walks out of the room.
DAVID
Now if you all will excuse me
(prepares to leave the room)
I have many other wishes to grant.
David still wears the Santa suit while he snores in his chair. The door swings open slowly and Maddie walks in. She quietly moves over to his desk. She leans on the edge, a few inches to the left of David as she watches an old man disguised as her husband. It was as though David can feel her presence. One of his eyes begins to slowly raise and confirms what his feelings had told him.
MADDIE
Agnes was really surprised, wasn't she?
DAVID
I don't know who was more surprised, Agnes or her pint sized warrior.
MADDIE
His overreaction was an understatement when he found out what was really going on. You think he can handle it?
DAVID
It's hard to transfer your reality when you're losing your position on the food chain.
MADDIE
How did you feel when I first announced I was your boss?
DAVID
You mean after I realized you were serious? Uhhh... I don't know. My snout was more towards smelling your perfume than smelling my resistance to your authority.
MADDIE
You always know what to say.
DAVID
Now it's your turn.
MADDIE
My turn?
DAVID
Your turn. It's eve of Christmas Eve. It's next to the last chance to tell dear ol' Santa you'd rather be naughty than nice...
(Pulls Maddie on his lap)
... or is there any difference?
MADDIE
You're the only Santa who thinks being naughty, good and nice have the same meaning.
DAVID
Makes my life easier.
MADDIE
I'd love to get my hands on your Thesaurus... on second thought, I'd rather not.
DAVID
C'mon, times a-wastin'. Rudolph said he'll page me in a couple of hours.
MADDIE
Well... I do have something you can do.
DAVID
And what would that be?
The music for "Santa Baby," begins to play.
MADDIE
(Sings)
Santa baby
Could you rub my legs and my feet for me?
I've been such a good girl
Santa baby
I want you in my chimney tonight.
Santa baby
Move you hand more to the right, that's nice.
Don't stop touching me there
Santa baby
I want you in my chimney tonight.
Think of all the fun we've missed
Think of all the places where I haven't kissed
Really, I'm trying to be oh so good
Just help me reach my state of bliss
ba-do-be-do Santa honey
Your breath's so hot it's reached a certain... spot a lot
From my neck to my ear
Santa honey
I want you in my chimney tonight.
Santa cutie
There's one place your hands need to be, on these
I bet you do just fine
Santa cutie
I want you in my chimney tonight.
Santa baby
My head needs somewhere to rest, your chest
It feels so good to me
Santa baby
I want you in my chimney tonight.
Aren't you hot in that red suit?
I'll start by taking off your left boot
Why don't you throw off your hat and coat
Let's see if you're able to execute
Lucky for you, Santa baby
I'm asking you to toss one of these, your keys
We need to lock the door closed
Santa baby
I want you in my chimney tonight.
I want you in my chimney tonight.
I want you in my chimney... tooo... niiiight.
Maddie kisses David. He wraps his arms around her. He leans forward as they get more intense. The camera angle switches to an outside shot of David's office. They lose their balance and they fall to the floor. Several giggles and chuckles signal they are all right. The camera pulls back showing a silhouette of a small figure. The reverse angle shows a shocked expression on Ashley's face. After seeing them disappear behind the desk, she runs away crying.
A still image of the title is shown. Auld Lang Syne is playing. Maddie and David’s voices are singing in voice over.
MADDIE AND DAVID
It's clear that we're
Stuck in the year
Of two-thousand one
But please come back
So you can catch
More excitement and more fun
A still image of the title is shown. Second half of Auld Lang Syne is playing. Maddie and David’s voices are singing in voice over.
MADDIE AND DAVID
We made sure you don't miss a thing
We have so much in store
We're glad you're back
Sit down, relax
It's time to show you more.
The Addison family are busy putting up the lights on their Christmas tree. David is on a ladder as he decorates the tree.
DAVID
Ash, can you hand me those lights over there?
He points to the wire with multi-colored lights a few inches away from Ashley's feet, but she doesn't respond to her father's request. She's staring at a far away place.
DAVID
Sweet pea... I can't make the lights jump up in my hands...
Ashley still doesn't respond.
LITTLE DAVID
(Snaps his fingers in her face)
Hello...! Dad's trying to speak to you.... Ash...?
(She still doesn't respond)
I'll get them, Dad.
Little David crosses in front of his far-eyed sister and picks the lights up off the carpet. He crosses Ashley again to go to David and gives the lights to his dad.
DAVID
Ash, honey, are you all right?
ASHLEY
(Snaps out of it)
Huh?
LITTLE DAVID
Dag.
(Snaps his fingers in mock disappointment)
I was getting used to the silence.
DAVID
What's on your mind, sweet pea?
ASHLEY
Nothin'... nothin' is on my mind.
LITTLE DAVID
(Shakes his head)
Nah... too easy.
ASHLEY
I need to lay down.
She leaves the room.
LITTLE DAVID
Okay, something's definitely wrong. She usually hits a 450 foot homer off that softball I just tossed her.
Before little David follows his sister, the bell rings.
DAVID
Get that for me will ya?
Little David goes to the front door.
DAVID
Eh, Maddie, come out and check out the tree... Yo Maddie... Mad-day!
VOICE (O.S.)
I'm not Maddie, but I can still give you a helping hand.
DAVID
The way this day is goin', I'll take all the help I can get.
(turns and sees Terri)
Hey, how are you doing? Where's Walter?
TERRI
(Walks over to David)
Can you believe he had to go to yet another business trip?
DAVID
(Getting down from the ladder)
Will this guy ever take a break?
TERRI
I made him promise me on a stack of Bibles from home to be back before I hear sleigh bells out of my window.
DAVID
Well... according to my watch he has about 48 hours to go.
TERRI
42 but who's counting.
(Terri and David hug)
So, where's Maddie?
DAVID
I believe this is where you came in.
Walter Jr. and little David walk into the living room.
DAVID
Good timing. Now can you go get your mom. She has a visitor.
LITTLE DAVID
All right, Dad.
(To Walter Jr.)
C'mon.
They both leave the room.
Little David and Walter Jr. enter the room.
LITTLE DAVID
Mom...? Mom...! Mom! Aunt Terri's here!
Ashley walks out from the bathroom.
ASHLEY
Could you scream any louder? My ears haven't been shattered yet.
LITTLE DAVID
Where's Mom?
ASHLEY
Who knows? Maybe she's visiting someone we're not supposed to know she's visiting.
LITTLE DAVID
What?
ASHLEY
I said I don't know where she is. Now will you leave me alone?
WALTER JR.
Okay, you're acting weirder than usual. What's up?
ASHLEY
Who said anything's up?
WALTER JR.
Other than your attitude.
LITTLE DAVID
(To Walter Jr.)
Then again, how can you tell?
WALTER JR.
You're right.
ASHLEY
Are you two finished or do you need me to leave the room so you can keep talking behind my back?
WALTER JR.
We'll let you in the conversation if you tell us what's going on.
ASHLEY
I should be asking you.
WALTER JR.
Asking me? About what?
ASHLEY
About why a 13-year-old is still hangin' out with a 10 and an 8-year-old?
LITTLE DAVID
Actually, he's only hangin' with the 10-year-old.
ASHLEY
Good. Don't let me stop you.
Ashley prepares to leave, but Walter Jr. blocks her path.
WALTER JR.
Don't you want to hear my response.
ASHLEY
No. I wanna be alone.
WALTER JR.
Trust me, you'll get tired of it. You and David are lucky. I wish I had someone to argue with.
LITTLE DAVID
Mom tells us and Dad about the only child thing. But Dad can never understand why she complains about it.
ASHLEY
Neither can I.
WALTER JR.
But you guys are always there for each other.
LITTLE DAVID
Well, you're almost right. She is always there.
ASHLEY
Well, let me prove you wrong.
She starts walking out.
WALTER JR.
(Stops her again)
Wait. We still don't know why you're acting weird?
LITTLE DAVID
(To Ashley)
How come you're never this eager to leave when we really want you to?
ASHLEY
I don't know you're the one who's not letting your dreams come true.
WALTER JR.
Will you tell us what's going on?
ASHLEY
You wanna know what's going on?
LITTLE DAVID
We would have left by now if we didn't.
The music to The Jackson Five's version of, "I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus," plays.
ASHLEY
(Sings)
I saw mommy kissing saaaan...
ASHLEY
...ta Claus
LITTLE DAVID AND WALTER JR.
Kissin', kissin', Santa claus
ASHLEY
They were both in Dad's office last night
She didn't see me creep
To the door to have a peek
She thought I was playing
in the Game room or asleep
ASHLEY
(Sings)
Then I saw mommy touching saaaan...
ASHLEY
...ta Claus
LITTLE DAVID AND WALTER JR.
Touchin, touchin', Santa claus
ASHLEY
She did this while sitting on his lap
What a disaster had it been
If Daddy walked in and seen
Mommy kissing Santa Claus last night
LITTLE DAVID AND WALTER JR.
(Looks at each other)
She saw mommy kissing
kissing, kissing Santa Claus
They talk during music break.
ASHLEY
I did. I did see mommy kissing Santa Claus. And I'm gonna tell Daddy.
LITTLE DAVID
Wait, wait, wait. You can't do that.
ASHLEY
Why? He deserves to know.
LITTLE DAVID
Why don't we talk to Mom first?
ASHLEY
Are you crazy? She's not gonna tell us the truth.
LITTLE DAVID
But we have to do something.
ASHLEY
What you can do is shut up 'cause I'm not finished.
ASHLEY
(Sings)
Then I saw mommy tackle saaaan...
ASHLEY
...ta Claus
LITTLE DAVID AND WALTER JR.
Tackle, tackle, Santa claus
ASHLEY
They kissed and kissed and fell on to the floor
What a disaster had it been
If Daddy walked in and seen
Mommy kissing Santa Claus last night.
What a disaster had it been
If Daddy walked in and seen
Mommy kissing Santa Claaaaus laaaaast niiiiiiight.
Music ends.
LITTLE DAVID
(To Walter Jr.)
So, what do you think we should about it?
DAVID
You should go and find your mother like I asked you.
LITTLE DAVID
I was. Really I was, wasn't I, Wally?
WALTER JR.
Yeah, he really was.
DAVID
So, why aren't you now?
ASHLEY
They were just about to –
DAVID
Honey, what's going on?
ASHLEY
I wanna be alone. Is that a crime?
DAVID
Not if you're finished committing one.
ASHLEY
Daddy, please.
DAVID
If there's something bothering you I wanna know what it is so I can make it go away.
ASHLEY
It'll take two days and two nights to do just that.
DAVID
Ash –
ASHLEY
Daddy. I don't wanna talk about it. It's too painful, too awful. I just can't say this in front of you.
DAVID
(Looks concerned)
Did somebody touch you?
ASHLEY
(Taken aback)
No!
DAVID
I swear. I'll find out who it is and when I do, I'll kill him... or her.
LITTLE DAVID
Dad, it's nothing like that!
WALTER JR.
David's right, Uncle David.
DAVID
Ho, ho, ho. She told you?
(Walter Jr. and little David nod their heads)
So, why aren't you telling me?
LITTLE DAVID
It's no big deal, Dad.
ASHLEY
No big deal? If you think their marriage is not worth saving then I'm leaving.
She walks a few steps, but David grabs her arm. She turns around.
DAVID
Who's marriage? Will someone tell me what's goin' on?
LITTLE DAVID
She was thinking Uncle Walter and Aunt Terri might be on the rocks.
WALTER JR.
What?
(little David gives him a look which states, "work with me")
Oh... yeah, she did. With all the traveling my Dad does she thought it was putting a strain on the marriage.
DAVID
Your mom didn't say anything to me about it.
LITTLE DAVID
Because it's...
DAVID, LITTLE DAVID AND WALTER JR.
No big deal.
DAVID
Okay, I got it.
(To Ashley)
You see... everything's okay. If I knew anything was going wrong, believe me, I would have known. Okay, c'mon let's all go to the mall to do some last minute holiday shopping.
ASHLEY
Daddy, I really don't feel like going.
DAVID
But you always loved going Christmas shopping with me. Who's gonna tell the person who's about to snatch the last item off the shelf,"Hey get your hands off, that's my Daddy's?"
ASHLEY
I just don't feel like it.
LITTLE DAVID
Dad, let her stay. We'll fill her in on the blow-by-blow incidents she could have started when we get back.
DAVID
Well, if that what you want, sweet pea.
ASHLEY
That's what I want.
DAVID
Okay... I wanted Santa to surprise you with his present this time, anyway.
David, little David and Walter Jr. said goodbye to Ashley and left the room.
ASHLEY
What he surprised me with was something I'd rather return.
David, little David and Walter Jr. are walking down the staircase. They see Maddie talking to Terri.
DAVID
Maddie, where were you? We were looking for you?
MADDIE
You obviously didn't do a good job.
TERRI
And now she's coming with me to my house.
DAVID
Uhh, could you wait until we come back? Ash, wants to stay.
MADDIE
For what? It's not like her to miss a preview of what Santa will bring her.
WALTER JR.
(To little David - whispers)
That's the problem. She already seen the preview and decided not to see the movie.
LITTLE DAVID
(Confused)
What?
WALTER JR.
That's how your Dad would have put it.
TERRI
We can take Ashley along with us, Maddie.
MADDIE
Yeah, I'm sure she won't mind.
She turns and walks up the staircase.
LITTLE DAVID
(To Walter Jr. - whispers)
I'm sure she will... which movie didn't she want to see?
DAVID
I guess this is our guy's day out. Let's go.
David drives as little David and Walter Jr. hang out in the backseat.
LITTLE DAVID
Hey, Dad.
DAVID
Yo.
LITTLE DAVID
Why are we going to the office? Isn't it supposed to be closed until next year?
DAVID
I told Richie to meet us there.
LITTLE DAVID
He's not the only one coming is he?
DAVID
You catch on quick. Jeff is coming too. You know, Agnes is now preoccupied with trying to figure out what to do with all the extra space we gave her. I offered to bring Jeffrey along.
WALTER JR.
How's Bert taking it?
DAVID
We'll know if the medicine cabinet is still full.
The buzzer sound is heard.
AGNES
Bert, can you get that?
BERT
Sure. It's nice to know I'm still useful.
Bert crosses the outer office to the front door. He uses the intercom.
BERT
(Unenthusiastic)
Who is it?
RICHIE
It's me. Richie. The older, wiser and much more handsomer brother of your boss.
BERT
Which one?
Bert opens the door and lets Richie in. They walk to Agnes' office.
RICHIE
Speaking of the aforementioned, is he here?
BERT
No. But he'll be arriving in a few minutes.
RICHIE
And speaking of bosses, how does it feel now that Agnes has joined the ranks?
(Bert looks very uneasy about this)
Hey, think of it this way, you're not losing a wife, you're gaining a person who has complete control over what you say and do.
BERT
(Sarcastic)
Terrific.
They are standing in front of Agnes' door.
AGNES
Hi Richie.
RICHIE
Hey, how's the new digs?
AGNES
I still can't believe this is real. I mean, all of this...
(Extends her arms out)
is mine... all mine...
The music to "Sleigh Ride" starts playing.
AGNES
(Sings)
Oh, this is so exciting
I can't stop hiding my grin
(Looks at Bert)
Come on, Bert what's the matter, hon?
Let your chatter begin
BERT
I had my heart set on
I even bet on the odds
That job was mine. I had it
But you just snatched it, my God!
AGNES
I did not, I did not, I did not set out
To ruin your clout
I hate to see you stand and pout
BERT
I don't care, I don't care, I don't care what you say
Don't try to portray
Changing with haste
Your telephone for a nice briefcase
AGNES
Bert this is oh so silly
It makes me really confused
I never felt so strongly
How I'm so wrongly accused
BERT
I can hear clients sighing
when you start crying, boo hoo.
Agnes this job's much tougher
It's so much rougher for you.
It's unfair, It's unfair, It's unfair to you
Having to go through
Being mistreated and misused.
AGNES
Never thought, never thought, never thought you'd stoop
That low. Don't refute
That you perceive
Me so naive
Like I'm some kind of nincompoop
I think this is so appalling
For you to be mourning the loss
of pride. Why are you ashamed for
having me be named as your boss?
BERT
Who says that I'm ashamed for
having you be named as my boss?
AGNES
I'm saying, you are ashamed for
having me be named as your boss.
The music ends.
BERT
Well, if that's the way you feel about it. There's no reason for me to stay, is there?
AGNES
Oh, yes there is.
BERT
So, let's hear it.
AGNES
You're staying because I'm leaving!
She takes her bag off of her desk.
BERT
Wait a second. You can't walk out of here. What makes you think you can simply walk out of here?
RICHIE
Hew new job description made her think so.
AGNES
(Walks to the door - To Richie)
I'm sorry you had to hear all of this.
RICHIE
No, no, it's fine. It was pretty entertaining.
Agnes walks quickly to the front door. When she opens it, David, little David and Walter, jr are walking to her.
AGNES
(Still angry)
Thanks for reminding me...
(Turns toward her office)
Jeffrey! Mr. Addison is here!
DAVID
Let me guess... Bert, ain't too happy.
AGNES
If you call underestimating me happy, then he's full of it.
DAVID
Want me to talk to him?
AGNES
Sure... As long as I don't.
She charges out of the office.
DAVID
You guys stay here.
LITTLE DAVID
All right, Dad.
David goes to Agnes' office.
WALTER JR.
You gotta tell him.
LITTLE DAVID
I can't tell Dad about this. What am I going to say?
WALTER JR.
Try, "Hey Dad, Ashley saw Mom kiss Santa Claus."
LITTLE DAVID
And then he'll reply, "Was it before or after he unloaded his sack?"
WALTER JR.
Did you understand what you just said?
LITTLE DAVID
(Bewildered)
What is there to understand?
WALTER JR.
Just checking.
LITTLE DAVID
He'll think I'm looney.
WALTER JR.
He'll think you're perceptive....
(little David gives a blank stare)
He'll think you're smart.
LITTLE DAVID
Why?
WALTER JR.
He'll know now you know.
LITTLE DAVID
Know what?
WALTER JR.
Know that you came to him first because you know he was the one kissing your mother.
LITTLE DAVID
You mean he's...
WALTER JR.
Santa Claus.
LITTLE DAVID
Santa Claus.
WALTER JR.
Now you're getting it.
LITTLE DAVID
You still think I should tell him, huh?
WALTER JR.
Uh huh.
LITTLE DAVID
So... where do you think he hid the reindeer?
(Walter Jr. looks at him)
My last name ain't Addison for nothing.
David and Jeffrey are walking to little David and Walter Jr.
DAVID
Are we all set?
LITTLE DAVID
Let's hit the road.
JEFFREY
Yeah... let's hit the road.
LITTLE DAVID
(To Walter Jr. - through his teeth)
It's staaarting.
They all go out the door. David comes back.
DAVID
(To Walter Jr.)
... Thanks for reminding me...
(Goes back to the door and cups his hand to his mouth)
Richie! We're leaving!
RICHIE (O.S.)
Right behind ya, bro.
David, Richie, Little David, Walter Jr., and Jeffrey are walking through the sea of last minute Christmas shoppers.
DAVID
(Looks at his shopping list)
Let's see, I picked up something for Terri... Walter... I got an extra something for Bert... He can use an extra pick me up.
LITTLE DAVID
What about me?
DAVID
You can use an extra napkin. You got ketchup all over your chin.
RICHIE
Okay, we are here and we're in luck. Only the check out lines are not filled.
DAVID
If it's alright with you I'm gonna sit this one out. These bags need a chance to breath.
He holds up five shopping bags.
RICHIE
We won't be long.
Richie, Walter Jr., Jeffrey and little David begin walking into the store. David is walking toward the bench.
WALTER JR.
What are you waiting for?
LITTLE DAVID
Huh?
WALTER JR.
Go to him.
LITTLE DAVID
But I can't –
WALTER JR.
But you can.
JEFFREY
But you can.
LITTLE DAVID
Thanks, Jeff. I heard him the first time.
JEFFREY
(To Walter Jr.)
Yeah, he heard you the first time.
LITTLE DAVID
Why does he do this? Ever since the office party yesterday, he keeps doing this.
WALTER JR.
What do you expect? He's five.
LITTLE DAVID
Did you constantly mimic people when you were five? I never mimicked people when I was five.
WALTER JR.
We're not Jeff.
LITTLE DAVID
Really? How can tell? Oh, I know. We don't act like an echo.
WALTER JR.
And we're not David. How can we tell? We don't have to tell his father his mother kissed Santa.
LITTLE DAVID
Okay, I'll do it.
JEFFREY
Okay, he'll do it.
LITTLE DAVID
Thanks for your input.
He goes to his father.
JEFFREY
Your welcome.
Little David turns around. He couldn't help but give a smile to Jeffrey's cute face.
DAVID
Why aren't you shopping? It's not like you not to be in the Christmas spirit.
LITTLE DAVID
Dad, there's something I gotta tell you.
DAVID
This doesn't have anything to do with your sister, would it?
LITTLE DAVID
I don't know how to say this without sounding silly but...
The music to "Let It Snow" begins.
LITTLE DAVID
(Sings)
What I'm gonna tell you is frightful
I know you have your hands full
I have to say this or I'll explode
Ashley knows, Ashley knows, Ashley knows
She saw you as Santa kissing
Her mother and she's asking
"Why did mom kiss a man that old?"
Ashley knows, Ashley knows, Ashley knows
Should I tell it was you that night?
DAVID
We can't tell her that Santa's not real
I'll have a little talk which might
Avoid telling Santa I squealed.
LITTLE DAVID
Do you think she still likes Christmas?
She's so confused about this
Could you go to Mom and disclose
That Ashley knows, Ashley knows, Ashley knooooows.
The music ends.
DAVID
Very nice.
LITTLE DAVID
You think so?
DAVID
Yeah. Those long practices Ash made you do are paying off.
LITTLE DAVID
By the way, the play is tomorrow.
DAVID
I know. I didn't buy an extra camcorder just because I like the brand... Wally told you, didn't he?
LITTLE DAVID
Tell me what?
DAVID
He didn't happen to mention Santa not being real and I was the one who kissed you mom last night?
LITTLE DAVID
(Blank expression)
Santa's not real?
DAVID
(Fake surprised expression)
Did I say it out loud?
LITTLE DAVID
I bet that's what Mom believes and that's how I might have figured out you were Santa...
(David still looks at him)
... and Wally told me it was you.
DAVID
More importantly, does Ash know?
LITTLE DAVID
No.
DAVID
Good. I have at least two more years of lies to protect her belief in Old Saint Nick.
LITTLE DAVID
How do you do it?
DAVID
Believe me. Getting into that Santa suit ain't no picnic.
LITTLE DAVID
No. I mean you dealing with Mom. I can never understand it. How can she celebrate a holiday which celebrates the birth of someone she doesn't believe exists?
DAVID
I've learned a long time ago not to get caught up in this stuff.
LITTLE DAVID
But you believe in God don't you?
DAVID
Of course.
LITTLE DAVID
So, why doesn't she?
DAVID
I have an idea. Why don't you ask her? Maybe you'll get more out of her than I did.
Richie, Walter Jr., and Jeffrey walk up to David and his and son.
RICHIE
Ready to roll?
DAVID
Why not? I'm still waiting for my first argument of the day, anyway.
The music of, "The Nutcracker" plays and Terri plays the Cello with it. Maddie and Ashley sit on the side. While Maddie takes the music in, Ashley sits restless. When Terri ends this part of her session, Maddie claps for her friend. Ashley puts in a halfhearted effort. This effort isn't lost on Maddie.
MADDIE
What's wrong, honey? I understand this isn't your kind of music, but usually can grin and bear Aunt Terri's rehearsals better than this.
ASHLEY
(Melancholy)
Nothing. There's nothing wrong.
MADDIE
Are you sure?
ASHLEY
(Annoyed)
Mom.
MADDIE
Okay, is it a crime to wonder what's wrong with my baby girl?
ASHLEY
No... not after committing one.
MADDIE
What...? You've been talking with your dad today, haven't you?
ASHLEY
Yeah... Is there a reason why I shouldn't?
MADDIE
(Slightly taken aback)
No. Why would there be?
The door bell rings.
ASHLEY
(Pops up from her seat, sprints to the door)
I'll get it.
TERRI
(goes to Maddie)
You put me in a bind.
MADDIE
Me? What did I do now?
TERRI
If you didn't let me go through with that stupid bet, I wouldn't have to switch from holding a bow to holding a bowl... and a spoon, a fork and any other utensil suitable in order for me to create a culinary masterpiece.
MADDIE
I tried to warn you. I wish Ashley warned me about her mood.
Ashley walks in the room.
MADDIE
Who was at the door, honey?
AGNES
It's me, Miss Hayes.
MADDIE
Hey, Agnes. How does it feel to be the boss for a day?
AGNES
Lousy. I'm having a communication breakdown.
TERRI
Did this breakdown have anything to do with a certain employee that shares your bed?
AGNES
This certain employee and I aren't sharing much of anything these days. Which brings me to why I'm here.
She leaves the room. Everyone looks at each other in confusion. Agnes comes back with a small suitcase.
AGNES
Is it possible for me to stay here for the night?
MADDIE
But why?
AGNES
But why?
TERRI
Yeah, but why?
AGNES
But why not?
MADDIE
But what happened?
ASHLEY
I can see this is a talk for grown-ups. I’ll go to my usual place... in front of the TV.
MADDIE
It won’t take long, I promise.
ASHLEY
Sure.
She sulks as she walks out.
TERRI
What’s with her?
MADDIE
I can’t figure it out. She’s been like this all day.
AGNES
Not only has Bert been like this all day, he’s been like this all last night and the day before... well, it was only after I got the promotion the day before he started acting like Ashley the day before Ashley started acting like this all day today.
MADDIE
(To Terri)
Did you get all that?
TERRI
I hope so.
AGNES
I can’t stand it when he does this.
MADDIE
But why do you need to do this, Agnes?
The music from “Santa Is Coming to Town” starts.
AGNES
(Sings)
He thinks that I’m not
Cut out for this job
He claims he’s the one
who has been robbed
I couldn’t take it. I left, Miss Hayes.
He makes it seem like
We’re all against him
He talks down to me
Which makes me feel dim.
MADDIE
Don’t let Bert think he’ll get his way.
AGNES
Oh, no. I don’t intend to
He won’t make me resign
He’ll have to deal with it, Miss Hayes
Bert will not get me this time.
I’m sick of him give
His stupid lectures
a night without me
Is what he deserves
Terri is it okay to stay?
The music ends.
TERRI
Of course you can. Let me put your suitcase in the guest room.
Terri takes Agnes suitcase and leaves the room.
AGNES
Thanks, Terri.
MADDIE
Are you sure you’re doing the right thing?
AGNES
I’m doing the right thing because Bert’s not doing the right thing... How can I be wrong?
Richie holds up a light cashmere sweater.
DAVID
‘Cuz it’s not Maddie’s size. Besides, I’m not getting her clothes this year.
RICHIE
So, what are you getting her? We’ve been in five stores.
DAVID
When you find someone to shop for, you’ll understand.
LITTLE DAVID
Dad, how long do we have to stay here?
DAVID
Until I find your mother a present.
LITTLE DAVID
Great. We’ll be here all day.
JEFFREY
We’ll be here all day.
LITTLE DAVID
(Puts his hands on his head in exasperation)
I gotta get out of here.
RICHIE
I gotta get out of here.
DAVID
If you will shut up, help me find the perfect gift for my one and only, we can all get out of here.
RICHIE
Who’s that?
DAVID
Who’s what?
RICHIE
Your one and only?
(David glares at him)
Just kiddin’. You knew I was kiddin’. They knew I was kiddin’.
(To kids)
You knew I was kiddin’, right?
LITTLE DAVID, WALTER JR. AND JEFFREY
(Unenthusiastic)
We knew you were kiddin’.
David looks at the three bored children.
DAVID
Go on. Get out of here. I want us all to meet at the food court in two hours.
LITTLE DAVID
Two hours?
DAVID
Okay, I’ll make it one hour.
LITTLE DAVID
No. Two’s good.
DAVID
Good. Now go.
LITTLE DAVID
Thanks Dad.
WALTER JR.
Thanks Uncle David.
JEFFREY
Thanks Uncle David.
WALTER JR.
(To little David)
Was he mimicking me?
LITTLE DAVID
I’m not sure.
The boys leave the store. A second later, David’s cell phone rings.
DAVID
Could you get that out of my pocket?
Richie reaches into David’s pocket and gets the cell phone.
RICHIE
You have reached David Addison’s cell. If you want to speak to him, press one. If you really want to speak to him, press two. If you really, really, want me to shut up and give him the phone, you’ll have to wait for the next operator... I think you’ve waited long enough.
He gives David the phone.
DAVID
Who is it?
RICHIE
Your one and only.
DAVID
Hey, honey. You girls stopped talking about me, yet?
MADDIE (O.S.)
Funny, your name never came up.
DAVID
That is funny. What’s up?
MADDIE (O.S.)
We have a problem... no make that two problems.
DAVID
If you’re including my problem I’m about to tell you, then you’re right.
MADDIE (O.S.)
I hope you can talk to Bert.
DAVID
Problem number one, I presume.
Maddie is cutting some lettuce.
MADDIE
He’s having problems with Agnes’ promotion.
DAVID (O.S.)
I saw.
MADDIE
Did you see Agnes taking her suitcase and ask Terri to sleep at her house tonight?
DAVID (O.S.)
Nope... can’t say that I did...
David is in the Shoe department. Richie is holding up an item and David is waving him off.
DAVID
Can’t see it either... In fact...
(Looks at his cell then puts it back on his ear)
... I still can’t.
He waves Richie off after Richie shows David another item.
MADDIE (O.S.)
Neither can I. It’s not like Agnes to react like this. It must be spreading around.
DAVID
Problem number two, I presume.
MADDIE (O.S.)
Our daughter.
DAVID
That was my problem number one.
MADDIE
She’s so out of it. She usually loves Christmas. Can’t get enough of it. Why is she your problem? Do you know why she’s acting this way?
DAVID (O.S.)
I would have said no, but our son filled me in to make me say otherwise.
MADDIE
So, what’s bothering her?
DAVID (O.S.)
You.
MADDIE
Me?
DAVID (O.S.)
You. She thinks you’re cheating on me...
MADDIE (O.S.)
You?
DAVID
Me.
MADDIE (O.S.)
Me cheating on you? Where would she get that idea from?
DAVID
Maybe this will give you a clue.
T'was three days before Christmas
This is hard for me to say
But Ash saw her mother
and Santa getting laid.
MADDIE
Oh my God.
DAVID
In this case, Santa.
MADDIE (O.S.)
Who was really my husband...
MADDIE
David, what are we going to do? We can’t tell her I cheated on you.
DAVID (O.S.)
We also can’t tell her Santa doesn’t exists. By the way, Davey wants to speak to you.
MADDIE
About Santa not existing?
DAVID (O.S.)
In this case, God.
David waves off another item Richie shows him.
MADDIE (O.S.)
I was wondering when this was going to start... Thanks for the heads up.
DAVID
Speaking of which... what are you wearing...? Mind you, the quality of your present depends on the lack of quantity of your wardrobe.
MADDIE (O.S.)
If you must know –
DAVID
I must.
MADDIE (O.S.)
I’m dripping gravy...
DAVID
I’m looking at jewelry...
MADDIE (O.S.)
It’s going down the side of the leg...
DAVID
I’m blinded by all the glitter...
MADDIE (O.S.)
Of a Turkey.
DAVID
From 10 carat Silver.
MADDIE (O.S.)
Why are you still on the line?
DAVID
(Playfully)
Are you waiting for another call?
MADDIE (O.S.)
(Equally as playful)
From my Secret Santa.
DAVID
So, you are cheating on me.
MADDIE (O.S.)
The purpose is to tell him it was a one night thing... You’re my one and only.
DAVID
Couldn’t have said it better myself.
MADDIE (O.S.)
Love you.
DAVID
Love you, too.
Maddie hangs up her cell and puts it in a pocket of an apron she’s wearing. She continues to pour gravy on Terri’s turkey. It’s in the oven.
TERRI
What were you lovebirds chirping away about?
MADDIE
How are we going to deal with this situation?
TERRI
About Agnes?
MADDIE
Yeah, her too.
TERRI
Which situation were you talking about?
MADDIE
David clued me in on what is bothering Ashley.
TERRI
What is it?
MADDIE
Me.
TERRI
You?
MADDIE
Yeah, me. She saw me kissing Santa Claus.
TERRI
Uh, oh.
MADDIE
Precisely. I don’t know how I’m going to explain it without telling her who really was in that suit.
AGNES
(Enters the kitchen)
Is there something wrong, Miss Hayes?
MADDIE
Maybe you can help. I need to figure out how to tell Ashley I was kissing Santa Claus.
AGNES
Who’s really Santa Claus?
MADDIE
Hmmm?
AGNES
Who’s really Santa Claus? Is his name really Kris Kringle?
Maddie takes off the apron and puts it on one of the chairs.
MADDIE
Agnes, David was Santa Claus.
AGNES
Now that explains why he comes late to work.
TERRI
I hope you are joking. Please tell me you’re joking.
AGNES
No.
TERRI
(Discouraged)
Oh.
AGNES
I was practicing when Jeffrey asks me in a few years.
TERRI
(Relieved)
Oh.
MADDIE
Now help me practice what I’m gonna say to Ashley in a few minutes... minutes? Did I say minutes? I mean hours.
TERRI
Will you relax?
MADDIE
You know, when my daughter has her mind set on something, she doesn’t let go until she gets what she wants.
TERRI
I wish she was here ‘cuz I’d be finished cooking all this food.
AGNES
You want me to give you a hand?
TERRI
Two would be better. Thanks.
MADDIE
You got it. Just tell us what we need to do.
The music for, “Jingle Bell Rock” plays.
TERRI
(Sings)
Agnes go see if the turkey is done
It needs more gravy. I’ll give you some
The smell of this sauce keeps tickling my nose.
MADDIE
Be glad it hasn’t spilled on your clothes.
TERRI
Maddie go to the fridge take some bowls out
They contain turnips, peas and sour crout.
Those mashed potatoes can go over there
The stove's hot, beware.
I can’t wait to
Be done real soon
I need to go and rehearse
I may have to
See a cartoon
With your daughter so I will not curse
MADDIE
It’s not that bad
I barely had to notice the smell
It’s very hard to tell –
TERRI
The onions and peppers
I burnt on the stove
AGNES
That’s what tickled your nose.
During the music break, Maddie and Agnes are busy helping Terri at the stove and Ashley sneaks in. She quietly reaches into the apron Maddie wore and took the cell phone out of the pocket. She slips back out as the music break ends.
TERRI
It’s a bad time
To ask you why
You’re not gonna see my show.
MADDIE
It’s the first time
I will see my
Son hit the stage in his first lead role.
AGNES
Hey, when is it
Safe to quit
Stirring this sauce?
TERRI
You can now turn it off
I wanna thank you guys
You helped me a lot
Agnes come sit down
Maddie tell me how
Much more wine I got?
The music ends.
Maddie goes to the refrigerator and takes out a bottle.
MADDIE
Including what I have in my hand... one.
TERRI
I knew there was something I forgot. Gimmie you cell. I need to order more.
Maddie places the remaining bottle on the table. She then goes to the chair where she left the apron. She looks for her phone, but she doesn’t find it. She looks under the table. She still doesn’t find it.
MADDIE
It had to be in here. Where else could it be?
A cell phone rings while little David, Jeffrey and Walter Jr. are walking through the mall. Walter Jr. takes the phone out of his pocket then puts it to his ear.
WALTER JR.
What’s up?
Ashley is running water in the sink and she is sitting on the toilet with her clothes on with the lid down. She is carefully talking into the phone.
ASHLEY
Put David on.
WALTER JR. (O.S.)
No, "Hello"? No, "How are you"?
ASHLEY
Just give him the phone.
LITTLE DAVID (O.S.)
Yeah?
ASHLEY
Did you tell him?
LITTLE DAVID (O.S.)
Why am I hearing running water?
ASHLEY
It’s what people hear when someone’s in the bathroom.
LITTLE DAVID (O.S.)
And why are you calling me in the bathroom?
ASHLEY
It’s the best place for me to talk and bug you without the risk of being heard. Now did you tell him.
LITTLE DAVID (O.S.)
Him meaning –
ASHLEY
Daddy. Did you tell Daddy?
LITTLE DAVID (O.S.)
(Weakly)
Well...
ASHLEY
You told me not to tell him, but you told him?
LITTLE DAVID (O.S.)
Look, it wasn’t my idea.
ASHLEY
Let me guess. It came from a 13-year-old who still hangs out with a 10-year-old. So, what did Daddy say?
Little David holds his hand over the phone.
LITTLE DAVID (O.S.)
What do I say to her? She wants to know what Dad told me about
(Looks at Jeffrey then leans closer to Walter Jr.)
Anta -say Aus - clay.
WALTER JR.
Why can't you tell her the truth?
LITTLE DAVID
I can’t do that. She’s so happy when it comes to Christmas. She adores Santa. We used to fight about who gets to sit in his lap first. If I tell her the truth, it’ll break her heart... I can’t do that.
(Uncovers the phone)
Dad said he’s going to talk to Mom tonight.
ASHLEY (O.S.)
(Sounds worried)
Oh, no.
LITTLE DAVID
It’s okay. He’s not angry or anything. He just wants to find out what happened.
ASHLEY
I don’t want them to fight over this. About what I did.
LITTLE DAVID (O.S.)
(Being sympathetic)
You didn’t do anything. Listen, it’s not your fault.
ASHLEY
Daddy is forced to tell Mommy about this because of what I did.
LITTLE DAVID (O.S.)
Ash, this is not your fault. Everything will be fine... I promise.
ASHLEY
Do me a favor.
LITTLE DAVID (O.S.)
Name it.
ASHLEY
When we get back home, see what you can get out of Mommy for me? I tried to do so... without telling her what I know, but she didn’t say anything. Maybe you can talk to her in a way that’ll make her fess up.
LITTLE DAVID (O.S.)
I’ll do my best.
ASHLEY
Do better than your best.
LITTLE DAVID (O.S.)
(Playfully)
Aye, aye Captain.
ASHLEY
Janeway not Kirk.
LITTLE DAVID (O.S.)
Yes, ma’am.
ASHLEY
(She takes a huge sigh)
I understand this is Santa’s time to go away from home, away from his family, but I thought the only people who fooled around on their road trips are musicians and sports stars... see ya later.
LITTLE DAVID
See ya later.
(He hangs up the phone then laughs to himself a little.)
The stuff that girl comes up with. It makes me forget how much she can irritate me.
WALTER JR.
That’s why you and Ash are lucky.
RICHIE
Okay, who’s next on the list?
David takes out the paper from his pocket and stares at it and takes a deep sigh.
DAVID
Ashley.
RICHIE
I know it’s a bummer but –
DAVID
What are you talkin’ about? Things will be okay. Trust me. It’ll be fine.
RICHIE
Dave... don’t do this.
DAVID
Don’t do what?
The guitar licks of Smash Mouth’s,”All Star” begins.
RICHIE
(Sings)
I know what the deal is
You can’t just make believe this
Whole thing hasn’t gotten you down
You have tendency to clutch
On ill feelings way too much
I can tell by the lines on your forehead
Well, Christmas is comin’
and we have to keep huntin’
Can’t stop now
‘Cuz the clock is still runnin’
We’ll find a way
To prevent her loss
In trusting her Mom
And Santa Claus
So much to do
So much to buy
You’ll enjoy this Dave if you just try
A bunch of stores from here to there
We have a girl’s faith to repair
Hey now, get your charge card
Run the bill up
Go Dave
Hey now, it ain’t that hard
Get those discounts
Go Save
You have two days to go
Before better presents are all sold.
They go into a toy store.
It’s a good place
Take your mind off your troubles
(Looks at a toy)
I think she'll like this
No need for rebuttal
But I have a feeling you will differ
I can see your face
It’s not a pretty picture
You haven’t found
What you’re looking for
We’ll find it Dave
It’s a very big store
He looks at all the toys on shelves and starts pointing.
With a toy, toy here
And a toy, toy there
Here a toy
There a toy
Everywhere a toy, toy
Hey now, get your charge card
Run the bill up
Go Dave
Hey now, it ain’t that hard
Get those discounts
Go Save
You have two days to go
Before better presents are all sold.
Within the music break, Richie whistles the melody. David looks on with a strange look.
Hey now, we gotta start
Heading back now
I'd say
We've now mended her heart
With this X-Box
Go pay
(Looks at his watch)
Twenty minutes to go
Hope we're off this line before we're old.
The music ends.
DAVID
That’s good.
RICHIE
You think so? I mean, I didn’t have time to rehearse.
DAVID
You did just fine... but there’s one thing, though.
RICHIE
What’s that?
DAVID
It’s not a Christmas song.
RICHIE
Not a what?
DAVID
A Christmas song. We’re parodying Christmas songs. That wasn’t a Christmas song.
RICHIE
So, why didn’t you tell me?
DAVID
I didn’t have the heart to interrupt your stirring performance.
RICHIE
But you know what I’m getting at?
DAVID
Yeah, yeah... It’s just... I’ve noticed whenever Christmas rolls around, Ash gets this sparkle in those little green eyes of hers... I haven’t seen that sparkle all day...
(Turns to Richie)
I can’t afford to lose that sparkle, Rich.
RICHIE
(Puts his hand on David’s shoulder)
You won’t bro... you won’t.
A hand holding a fork and scoops up the last portion of Chicken Catatorié from a fine China plate.
DAVID
Mmmmm...
(Teasing to Maddie)
Where did the food go?
MADDIE
I hope it went down your mouth.
Maddie takes her and David’s plates. She gets up and starts walking to the kitchen. David grabs Maddie and wraps his arm around her waist. He pulls her to him.
DAVID
There’s something else I’d like to have in my mouth.
MADDIE
Not in front of the kids.
DAVID
They didn’t hear what I said.
(To Kids)
Did you hear what I said?
LITTLE DAVID
What did you say?
DAVID
See.
He and Maddie kiss.
ASHLEY
(To little David)
Aren’t you helping Mom with the dishes?
She gives him a certain look that reminds him of his secret mission.
LITTLE DAVID
Oh... right... how silly of me.
Before he goes to his mother, Ashley gets his attention.
ASHLEY
(Holding Maddie's cell under the table)
Tell Mom you found this. She's been looking for it all day.
LITTLE DAVID
How come you can't you give it to her?
ASHLEY
She'll know I took it.
Little David takes a deep sigh and takes the phone and puts it in his pocket.
ASHLEY
Thanks.
Maddie is about to go to the kitchen, but little David goes over to Maddie and takes the plates out of her hands.
LITTLE DAVID
Let me help you, Mom.
David and Maddie look at each other as if they spotted something fishy, but doesn’t know what it is.
Little David is in the middle of putting the plates in the dishwasher when Maddie walks in.
MADDIE
Excited about tomorrow?
LITTLE DAVID
I can’t wait to get on the stage. I’ve been practicing since forever.... Ummm, Mom?
MADDIE
Yes, sweetie?
LITTLE DAVID
Ummm... well... I was wondering...
MADDIE
I already know.
LITTLE DAVID
You do?
MADDIE
I do. Your dad told me. But I didn’t do it on purpose... I mean I did it on purpose but I... he... umm... ahh ... you see Santa... he’s...
LITTLE DAVID
I already know.
MADDIE
You do?
LITTLE DAVID
I do. Dad told me. But does she –
MADDIE
She doesn’t know. But does she –
LITTLE DAVID
She doesn’t know.
MADDIE
This sure cleared things up, hasn’t it?
LITTLE DAVID
But how are we gonna clear things up with Ashley?
MADDIE
I’m confident your Dad and I will figure something out.
Maddie turns, ready to leave the rooom.
LITTLE DAVID
Mom?
MADDIE
Yeah, what is it?
LITTLE DAVID
There’s been this thing I don’t understand... Why...
MADDIE
Do I celebrate a holiday for something I don’t believe exists?
LITTLE DAVID
Dad told you.
MADDIE
Your dad told me.
MADDIE
(She begins with a deep sigh)
Well... it’s true. I don’t believe in God... or haven’t believed... I’m not sure. I’m not as sure of being unsure as I used to be... What I mean is, I used to be sure of only believing in what I see. This belief worked fine until –
LITTLE DAVID
Dad?
MADDIE
Dad. He wouldn’t let up. It was like his mission for me to join the converted.
LITTLE DAVID
How did he do?
MADDIE
Not bad. He got me to try going into a Confessional.
LITTLE DAVID
How was it?
MADDIE
It was a very restful experience.... Anyway, throughout the years, I’ve been thinking about the possibility. Whether God really does exist until...
LITTLE DAVID
September 11th.
MADDIE
This year in particular has been very confusing. I kept thinking, if there really is a God... if he’s really something or someone to turn to in your deepest, your darkest and your lowest, then how can he let thousands of people die the way they did...? What did they do to deserve that kind of fate...? But then, I heard someone say weeks after that horrendous ordeal that God gives all of us free will to do good or evil. This is not meant to equate anything of this stature, but how can I explain why I chose your father despite what I considered my life was supposed to be or who I’m supposed to be with. That’s when I had to at least admit it had to be an act of God... or somebody... or something which helped me make that choice... know what I mean?
LITTLE DAVID
A little.
MADDIE
I’m still not sure if there really is a God but... there may be something or someone out there. So, in honor of my acknowledgement of a supreme being of any kind, I celebrate this holiday. Does this answer your question?
LITTLE DAVID
I think so.
MADDIE
I think it’s time to go to bed. You have a big day tomorrow.
LITTLE DAVID
I’m going to take a bath first, then I’ll go to sleep.
(Walking out of the room then stops)
Oh, and Mom.
MADDIE
Yes?
LITTLE DAVID
(Takes the cell phone out of his pocket)
I found this.
MADDIE
Thank you. I've been looking all over for it. Where did you find it?
(He's trying to search for an answer)
Oh, never mind I'm just happy I don't have to replace this thing.
(Kisses him on the forehead as she takes the phone)
Now go and take your bath.
Fresh out of the bathtub, Little David walks into his dark bedroom. He heads for his bed very carefully. He reaches the bed and climbs in. He prepares to go to sleep. The next moment, he clutches his eyes in order to shut out the blinding light.
ASHLEY (O.S.)
What did you do in that bathroom?
Startled, he turns sharply to his right and Ashley pulls the sheet off her head.
ASHLEY
I’m surprised you don’t look like a raisin.
LITTLE DAVID
What are you doing here?
ASHLEY
Did you talk to her? What did she say?
LITTLE DAVID
Yeah, she admitted it. She’s planning on confessing to Dad at any moment...
They are both laying in bed.
MADDIE
(Seductively)
David... I have a terrible confession to make.
She gently slides her index finger down David’s chest.
DAVID
(Equally as seductive)
And what pray tell would that be?
MADDIE
Well...
(Moves closer to him)
I’ve done... a naughty... naughty... thing.
DAVID
(Licks his lips)
How naughty?
She slowly slips down one spaghetti strap of her nightgown.
MADDIE
Very naughty...
ASHLEY
She’s not gonna tell him.
LITTLE DAVID
Ash, she gave me her word...
DAVID
So, your telling me...
(Kisses her)
... you made out with Ol’ Saint Nick?
He kisses more deeply.
MADDIE
(Purring)
Can you ever forgive me?
DAVID
I’m not lettin’ you off the hook that easy...
I hope he doesn’t overreact...
David is now on top of Maddie.
DAVID
I’m gonna have to be rough on you.
MADDIE
(Caressing his back)
It’s what I deserve, isn’t it?
DAVID
(Smirks as he whispers)
Absolutely.
LITTLE DAVID
I wouldn’t worry. Mom can handle anything Dad gives her.
ASHLEY
I hope so. Let me get out of here. I need enough sleep so I can laugh at you when you start to forget your lines.
She leaves her brother’s room and heads back to her own. However, she finds herself turning around to listen to muffled sounds coming out of her parents’ room.
ASHLEY
I didn’t think he would take it this hard.
The doorbell rings. It takes a second ring to make her snap out of it. She reluctantly goes down the stairs. She stops a few times. Another ring at the door helps her focus on getting to the bottom step. When she opens the door, she can’t believe who she sees on the other side.
Ashley shakes her brother out of his sleep.
LITTLE DAVID
(Cranky)
What are you doing?
ASHLEY
There’s someone at the door for Daddy.
LITTLE DAVID
Tell him. Not me.
ASHLEY
I can’t... I’m scared.
LITTLE DAVID
Scared? What is there to be scared about?
They walk slowly to David and Maddie’s bedroom. Little David and his sister look worried.
ASHLEY
(Whispers)
See... I told you.
LITTLE DAVID
I don’t think we should risk it. Can’t you get rid of him?
ASHLEY
He said it was an emergency. He needed to talk to Daddy, ASAP.
They are in front of their parents room hearing all these loud, but unrecognizable noises.
LITTLE DAVID
(Nervous)
You go first.
ASHLEY
No you.
LITTLE DAVID
You’re the one who answered the door.
ASHLEY
You’re the one who’s older.
LITTLE DAVID
We’ll both do it... I’ll count to three... one... two... three...
They knock on the door and brace themselves for what may happen next. A few moments pass - no answer. They knock again. Then the door swings open quickly. David, wearing his robe, has a sour look on his face. The children huddle close together to anticipated their father’s reaction.
DAVID
(Snaps)
What?
ASHLEY
(Sheepishly)
Bert is here to see you.
DAVID
So? Get rid of him.
LITTLE DAVID
He said it’s an emergency.
David rings his hand into his hair.
DAVID
(Reluctantly)
Tell him I’ll be down in a second.
He closes the door.
He walks back to Maddie who covers herself with the bed sheet.
DAVID
(Begrudgingly)
I gotta go.
MADDIE
Go? Go where?
DAVID
(Annoyed)
Downstairs. Bert's here. He’s paying me a 911 visit.
MADDIE
(Sighs in frustration)
Terrific.
DAVID
Not to worry. I’ll be back...
(Gives her a sweet, gentle kiss)
before dawn.
MADDIE
(Gives him a sly smile)
Well, my body needs to recuperate anyway.
DAVID
Next time, you won’t be so lucky.
MADDIE
I hope so.
She gives him a wistful smile as he leaves the room.
David walks over to Bert who is anxiously sitting on the sofa. David sits beside him.
DAVID
(Gruffly)
Bert, this better be damn important.
BERT
Sir, I desperately need your help. My sweet, delicate sunflower is treating me like a leeper and I don’t know what to do about it.
DAVID
It would have been different if you hadn’t treated her like a dried up, used sunflower seed.
BERT
Okay, I might have overreacted.
DAVID
Might? That’s the understatement of the new century.
BERT
But how was I supposed to feel? You and Miss Hayes chose Agnes over me. I was practically groomed for the job. She has absolutely no experience for this monumental endeavor she’s about to get herself into. In contrast, I... I have went through the murky waters of personnel disputes. Crouched myself underneath the temptation of mindless, scornful chatter unbecoming of a sleuth on duty –
DAVID
Do you hear yourself sometimes?
BERT
But sir –
DAVID
Now it’s my turn to talk. Let me explain something to you...
The music of Nat King Cole’s version of, “The Christmas Song (Merry Christmas To You)” begins.
DAVID
(Sings)
We felt Agnes was the perfect choice
There’s no need for me to lie
The office needs, someone who has a voice
That people won’t have to criticize.
This is no surprise
We knew you would act this way
We wanted to tell you this before
You assumed we took her job way
My knees were really bruised and sore
From all the jumping on those desks
For a while there I thought
I was gonna break my neck
But I don’t understand why are you're so
Afraid Agnes will get a chance to grow
You don’t have anything to be jealous of
Agnes will need to call on you
She can’t do it alone
She’ll be too over wrought
With those checks that are overdue.
They talk during the music break.
BERT
I see what you mean, Mr. Addison. I went completely bonkers. I was red with anger and green with jealously.
DAVID
At least you were in the holiday spirit.
BERT
I never apologized for chasing and tackling you, did I?
DAVID
Forget it. I’ll consider it as temporary insanity.
David gets Bert up from the sofa and steers him to the front door.
DAVID
(Sings)
Now go off on your little merry way.
And make up with your wife.
She’s at Terri’s house. I would go right away.
Good bye Bert and Good night.
BERT
Thank you so much, Mr. Addison. Is there anything I can do to repay you?
DAVID
Leaving is all I ask.
BERT
No. I must say I insist on buying you an extra special Christmas gift. Something which will cement my gratitude and my apology at the same time.
Bert is now on the other side of the door. David closes the door on him and locks it.
DAVID
This is the best gift you ever gave me.
(Starts running to the steps)
Maddie...! I hope you didn't start without me, honey!
He runs up the staircase.
Maddie and David are waiting impatiently for their children to come down the stairs.
DAVID
C’mon. Let’s get a move on!
Little David runs down the staircase.
DAVID
Where’s your sister?
LITTLE DAVID
I tried to get her up. I really tried, but she not getting out of bed.
MADDIE
She's what?
LITTLE DAVID
She’s not going. She said doesn’t deserve to enjoy anything about Christmas again because she tore her family apart.
DAVID
Where is she getting all this from?
LITTLE DAVID
She heard you guys making all those noises last night.
DAVID
(Gets nervous)
She did?MADDIE
(Gets nervous)
She did?
LITTLE DAVID
She did. I did, too. She blames herself for making you mad.
DAVID AND MADDIE
(Relieved)
Ohhh...
(They realize how they sound - Tightens up)
Ohhh...
DAVID
(Turns to Maddie)
Now?
MADDIE
(Turns to David)
Now...
(To little David)
We’ll be back in a minute.
They start going up the stairs.
David and Maddie see their daughter curled up in a fetal position under her covers. Maddie goes over to the side of her bed, sits down and strokes Ashley’s golden hair.
MADDIE
(Softly)
Ashley... Ashley, honey... please tell me what’s wrong.
ASHLEY
(Slowly sits up)
What’s wrong...? What’s wrong...? You two were fighting and...
(To her mother)
Why did you do it, Mommy? Why did you cheat on Daddy?
Maddie looks at David. She’s unsure of what to say. David looks at her and strokes her arm as if to say, “It’s okay. You can do it.” She turns to her worried daughter then takes a deep breath and takes Ashley’s hand.
The music to “Greensleeves” begins.
MADDIE
(Sings)
My faith in believing he exists
Was low until Santa showed his face
I can’t explain. I’m so ashamed
To sit in his lap in the first place
I, I never meant for this
To go beyond checking Santa’s list
What, what must I do to gain
Your love, respect and your faith back
I tracked him down before he left
I told him what happened and he agreed
To tell your Dad, he wasn’t mad
He made Santa write you personally
Maddie gives Ashley the letter.
ASHLEY
(Sings as she reads)
Dear, dear Ashley don’t be alarmed
I never wanted to cause you harm
Please, please tell me how to gain
You love, respect and your faith back
MADDIE
(Sings)
We hope we didn’t help destroy
Your joy for Christmas holidays
Your Dad’s been strong, yes we were wrong
I’ll never kiss a man who drives a sleigh
Now, now that you’ve heard everything
Would you forgive me of this whole thing
Will, will I and Santa claim
You love, respect and your faith back
The music ends.
Maddie turns to David.
MADDIE
I’m sorry too, sweetheart. It will be something I will always regret. It will never happen again. Can you ever forgive me?
She gives him the sad, puppy dog look.
DAVID
You should know by now. I can never stay angry at you.
MADDIE
Oh, David. I’m so glad.
She rushes into his arms. She gives him a tender kiss. David returns the favor. Then they move in for a longer, more intense kiss. It helps them forget where they are until Ashley clears her throat. Maddie and David look somewhat embarrassed by the passionate display of affection.
ASHLEY
You don’t have to suck each others faces anymore.
(Smiles at them)
I get the point.
DAVID
If you get your clothes on and get out of that bed, we can get out of here.
ASHLEY
That point’s already taken.
She pulls the sheet off her and gets out of bed with her clothes on. Maddie and David’s disbelieving eyes follow their little girl near her full length mirror at the corner of her room. Ashley slips on her sneakers. She moves over to the front door then looks back at her parents.
ASHLEY
C’mon. I don’t wanna be late.
She disappears into the hallway. David and Maddie can’t help but chuckle at this. They walk out of the room then stops at the doorway.
MADDIE
She got it from your side of the family.
DAVID
Well, she’s got your stubbornness.
MADDIE
(Gazes in David’s eyes)
She’s got your eyes.
DAVID
She’s got your smile.
They lean in for another kiss.
ASHLEY (O.S.)
Mommy! Daddy! Hurry up!
DAVID
Where’s the mistletoe when you need it?
They leave the room.
The fireplace roars directly in front of them while they watch the play on the widescreen High Definition TV. David, Maddie, Terry, Walter, Agnes and Bert are all sitting on sofas. Walter Jr., Jeffrey, Little David and Ashley are sitting on the carpet. They are all reliving little David’s performance as Charlie Brown. David shot his acting debut with his new camcorder. All are laughing, eating popcorn, candy and non-alcoholic egg-nog. The blinking, multi-colored lights from the tree are the only thing preventing them from bumping into themselves or the furniture.
WALTER
David, are your parents out here?
DAVID
Nah. They decided to stay back east. They wanted a traditional white Christmas. Instead, Mother Nature gave them the switcheroo and gave Sacramento an inch of the white stuff. So much for Global Warming.
MADDIE
But wasn’t the temperature in the high fifties in Philadelphia?
DAVID
Maddie, it’s nothin’. They just borrowed our weather for a few weeks. They’ll give it back... either that or one of God’s helper’s flunked their geography exam.
AGNES
What about your parents, Miss Hayes?
MADDIE
They wanted to visit...
(She has a catch in her throat)
Annie this year.
AGNES
Annie?
BERT
Annie?
DAVID
(Shakes his head)
Annie...
LITTLE DAVID
What about Annie?
MADDIE
There’s nothing about Annie... absolutely nothing.
David puts his arm around her and squeezes her a little tighter to make her feel better.
BERT
Uhhh... how was your concert, Terri?
TERRI
Great... despite the fact that we had to evacuate the building because someone wanted to see what would happen if they stood up and yelled, “I have Anthrax.”
(Terri answers everybody’s anxious looks by saying)
Relax... he was found to have baby powder and he also finds himself facing 5 to 10.
DAVID
I think this is good time as any to open our one gift for the evening. Ay, Haley Joel Osmet can you get some of the presents under the tree?
Little David gets up off the carpet and goes over to the tree.
MADDIE
David did you –
DAVID
Brian, Helen and Patrick already called to send their thanks for the gifts I already sent.
BERT
Speaking of gifts, this should cover my sentiments, exactly.
(He gives Agnes a box.)
I was looking at your desk in your office.
It needs something extra. This might do the trick.
Agnes tears off the wrapping and opens the box. She stares at what is inside. Her eyes follows the object she takes it out of the box and places it onto the table. It’s a gold plated nameplate which reads: Agnes DiPesto Viola, Branch Manager. She wells up and hugs Bert. Bert glances over to David. He gives Bert the thumbs up.
WALTER
Well, I guess it’s my turn. Merry Christmas, sweetheart.
He gives Terri her present. It’s in an envelope. Terri opens it and her eyes light up.
TERRI
(She jumps into Walter’s arms)
A two-week cruise to the French Rivera!
DAVID
Yo, Davey, where’s my present? It’s showtime.
MADDIE
While he’s searching, I’ll step in and give you mine.
(Kisses David’s cheek)
Merry Christmas.
She gives David the present. He unwraps it and has a big smile. He takes out the new DVD / CD / MP3 player out of the box. He plants a big kiss on Maddie’s lips.
LITTLE DAVID
I got it, Dad.
David turns and looks at his son extending the present out to him.
DAVID
You kids have impeccable timing.
(He takes the gift and gives it to Maddie)
Merry Christmas, baby.
She peels the wrapping off and gasps as she takes out a crystal angel.
DAVID
You may not believe they exist, but to me, the evidence is clear. I’ve been looking at one each and every day.
The room is filled with “Awww’s.” Maddie hugs then kisses him.
The kids sitting on the carpet.
WALTER JR.
(Points to TV)
So, what do you think?
ASHLEY
About Davy’s stage debut...? He didn’t suck.
WALTER JR.
That’s a review worth printing in the L.A. Times.
ASHLEY
(Smiles)
He was good... better than I expected.... I can even say... I’m impressed.
(Quickly turns to Walter Jr.)
You tell and I’ll deny this ever happened.
WALTER JR.
(Holds up his hands defensively)
Hey, I still can’t believe I heard it at all.
ASHLEY
Look,... my day isn’t complete until I give him a diss or two... but every now and then he deserves some praise.
JEFFREY
His singing could be better.
ASHLEY
Especially while trying to hit those high notes.
All three kids laugh.
JEFFREY
But he did good.
WALTER JR.
So ,what do you expect Santa to bring you tonight?
JEFFREY
The Harry Potter thing. The one that puts a ball in the air and make it stay there.
ASHLEY
I just want some of the action figures. After Santa admitted what he did, I know I’m getting more than usual.
WALTER JR.
He admitted it?
ASHLEY
Yup. He wrote me a letter and everything. Wanna see it?
JEFFREY
Yeah!
ASHLEY
Gimmie a minute. I left it in my room.
WALTER JR.
You know something?
ASHLEY
(Gets up from the carpet)
What?
WALTER JR.
He’s not repeating what we say.
ASHLEY
What?
WALTER JR.
Jeff. He’s not repeating what we are saying.
ASHLEY
Is he supposed to?
WALTER JR.
No. It’s just... never mind.
ASHLEY
No, what? I want to hear it.
WALTER JR.
After the office party two days ago, Jeffrey kept repeating almost everything Davey and I said. And now, now that David’s not here, he’s not doing it. Why is that?
ASHLEY
I don’t know. Why don’t you ask him?
She starts walking to the staircase.
WALTER JR.
Hey, Jeff. How come you kept repeating everything Davey and I said?
JEFFREY
Someone told me you guys love hearing yourselves talk so much, you'd love for me to repeat them.
WALTER JR.
Who would say something like...
He looks at Ashley. She smiles, gives him a wink and says,
ASHLEY
Think of it as my Christmas gift. Merry Christmas.
She smiles, going up the staircase.